ask a sex coach: what is my pleasure profile and why is it important?

Most people don't know what a Pleasure Profile is much less what their's or their partners might be. Learning more about your own profile and finding value in your individuality not only allows you to receive more pleasure but to give more pleasure as well.

Want to know more? Keep reading!

What is pleasure?

Pleasure in American English as a NOUN:

1. a pleased feeling; enjoyment; delight; satisfaction

2. one's wish, will, or choice "What is your pleasure"

3. a thing that gives delight or satisfaction

4. gratification of the senses; sensual satisfaction

5. amusement; fun

Pleasure as a VERB:

1. to give sexual enjoyment or satisfaction to "Tell me what will pleasure you."

2. to take pleasure in

3. derive enjoyment from

I believe we all have an inherent desire to pleasure and to receive pleasure by our partner. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Pleasure is great right!

Learning more about your Pleasure Profile helps you gain knowledge about what works for you. Then, you can let your partner know. In gaining this knowledge about yourself, you can start to see similarities and differences in your partner's profile.

what is a pleasure profile?

Your Pleasure Profile is unique to you. Just like in everything, we are all different and all one of a kind. In discovering your Pleasure Profile you begin to learn what works for you and what doesn't.

What sensations work for you? What feels good and not so good? Are there certain sounds or words you enjoy hearing? Or, is it more about what you are feeling in your body at the time? Is it the energy you feel from your partner? Is it more about what you see or the directness of the touch? Do you like it hard and fast or easy and slow?

All of these give us great information about our profiles!

We all have 5 different Erotic types in our bodies. The combination and percentages are different and some are more prominent that others. However, keeping in mind that just like in all things, this may shift based on where we are in our lives at the time. I also find that usually our dominant type stays dominant at our core.

I learned about the different Erotic types through my Erotic Blueprint training. I ask all my clients to take the quiz and get the results to me! The results are amazing!

What are the 5 different types?

1. Sensual: The Sensual profiles are usually focused on the 5 senses. What they can feel, smell, taste, hear and see.

• Sensuals like touch, fingers running across the body, feathers, soft materials, luscious tastes and smells, candle light, soft music. You can see a Sensual Profile in the stores touching and feeling everything soft or smelling every bath soap or hand lotion.

2. Energetic: The Energetic profiles are all about the Energy. Most Energetics

are interested in Tantra, Tantric Sex, connection on a different level with their

partners. Energetics can often tell when something is off with a partner. There

are 2 types of Energetics. Light Energetics tend to be lighter and more

beyond this world oriented. Dark Energetics tend to be more sultry and

passionate.

• Energetics do not like to be touched or hugged out of nowhere. They can often feel you before you touch them and startle easily. They might feel the energy in the room walking in. Energetics will often say things like "she feels off to me", "the energy in here is too much", "I get a nice vibe from him". It is hard for an Energetic to have one night stand with someone they haven't at least had a drink with.

3. Kinky: The Kinky profile is anything and everything taboo. There are 2

different types of kink. Sensation Kink- Impact play, bondage, pain in varying

degrees. Psychological Kink- Name calling, Degradation, Eye contact

restrictions.

• Kinks enjoy anything that is taboo or different. Out of the normal everyday routine. Kinks tend to be ones who will give their partner a quick pop on the ass walking by or in the bedroom. Hair-pulling, handcuffs, nipple clamps or perhaps sex with multiple partners. You may notice Kinks have a lot of tattoos.

4. Sexual: The Sexual profile is all about the sex! Direct stimulation and very

visual. They want to see it and touch it. Sexuals are all in and fast. Slowing

down can be difficult.

• You will notice Sexuals staring at breasts, asses, and crotches. They can be touchy feely when they find someone who is interesting to them. They can also be very sexually blunt. Some have no problem just saying "I want to fuck you".

5. Shapeshifter: The Shapeshifter profile wants it all! More and more and more!

New and different everything! New experiences, new sensations and the more

the better!

• Shapeshifters are always looking for the next sexual experience. Shapeshifters are a combination of all of the profiles at once. They are also pleasers in the bedroom and outside of it.

This is what mine looks like! I am dominantly a Kinky profile, although my profile shows equal of 3 parts. However, based on my preferences and the knowledge of myself I know that I am more of a Sensation Kink Profile. And, I play in all of the profiles!

Why is it important to know your profile?

Knowledge is power! When you really learn about your Pleasure Profile you can gain a deeper understanding of what pleasure your body is longing for. It opens up a whole new world of play!

When our Pleasure Profile isn't being fed we shut down sexually. We don't enjoy sex, we don't enjoy our partners, sometimes we just go through the motions because we are expected to and it can lead to affairs.

In some men, I see this lead to Erectile Dysfunction. When we really start to explore their profile they learn ED wasn't really the problem at all. They were sexually starving.

In some women, I see this lead to not being able to reach orgasm. Again, some are starving to be sexually fed.

Once my clients gain the knowledge of their Pleasure Profile it 's like a light bulb goes off and it all makes sense! Once they have the knowledge there is no turning back!

How can you learn about your pleasure profile?

Schedule a consult call and let's talk! We can schedule a session and get started on you having a better and more pleasurable sex life!

I'll combine your Pleasure Profile with a tailored Sensation Play session. You will experience different sensations in your body and learn more about your pleasure!

You can also take that knowledge out into the world and out to your partner or soon to be partners! Once you know more about Pleasure Profiles, you have the ability to pleasure your partner based on their needs too!

"If pleasure is what you want, do not suppress the desire. Seek it intelligently."

~Huston Smith

Ask a sex coach: What is sensation play?

Sensation Play: What is it and why should you do it? Your Ultimate Guide to Sensation Play. Everything You Need to Know to Start Playing.

Sensation play is one of my favorite sessions with clients. From beginning to the happy ending! 100% of my clients find value in these sessions. They learn about the new and pleasurable sensations they can have in their body. How does it get any better than that!

So, where to start! Let's go!

My sensation play toys make an impression on clients coming in for play.

What is sensation play and why should i do it?

Wikipedia describes Sensation play, also known as sensual play or sensory play, is a class of erotic activities meant to impart physical, generally pleasurable and arousing sensations upon a partner, usually during an intimate interaction, which induce sensuality.

[1] tickling can intensify a sexual feeling. [2] As opposed to mental forms of erotic play such as power exchange or sexual roleplaying, a sensual play is generally pleasing and light, that deliberately engages the five senses to explore pleasure, thereby leading to intense sexual arousal or orgasm. [3] Sensory play can be an umbrella term, with the harsher "pain play" and gentler "general sensory play" being subtypes, where an individual may prefer one or the other.

Sensation Play is a great way to really get to know your body and your partners. How do different sensations feel on the different areas of the body? Do you like it softer or harder? Do it like the softness of a feather or the pop of a flogger? How does your partner react? Does their breath quicken? Do they get goosebumps when you run a feather along their chest?

We are so busy in our every day lives! Take an hour or so to just play, to really enjoy the sensations you are experiencing in your body. Drop into the pleasure of it. You won't regret it! I promise!

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Where do I start?

First, you may need to go on a Scavenger Hunt! You need toys to create sensations! You can purchase toys if you want however, you can just use things in your house. The goal is to create anticipation and different sensations.

What do I need?

You can use a scarf or tie for a blindfold. You need things that are soft. Anything furry, or with feathers. Do you have any soft rope? Do you have any silk or soft materials? You also need things that are scratchy. A hair brush or comb will work, even a fork from the kitchen. If you are a baker, you may have a pastry wheel in the drawer! Now, we need something for impact, that could be a spatula, several pieces of rope tied together, the back of the hair brush or ice cubes from the freezer.

Get creative!

If you want to purchase items, some can be found on Amazon for around $25.00. I purchased a blindfold, flogger, feather, paddle and other various items from there. My suggestion is start with something less expensive. When you find what you and your partner enjoy purchase a better quality. I love Etsy!

Where can I play?

Next, where can you play? You can play on a bed or massage table. If you decide to play on the bed it is best if you can move all the way around it.

Have a small table available for all of your sensation toys. I like to line mine up based on how I use them. Soft, hard, impact, scratchy etc.....

Make sure you have plenty of room to move around and that your partner will be comfortable.

You also want to make sure the room is warm enough and the lighting is dim. You will both be naked so you want to be warm! Being cold can be distracting to both of you. Also, bright lights can be irritating when trying to relax into sensations.

Have water on hand for both of you. It is important to stay hydrated!

It is best not to have any music playing in the background. This can be distracting.

The Futon in my office folds down into a bed for Sensation Play with clients.

What do I do now?

It's Time to play!

Plan on having at least an hour for playtime.

Ok, now that we have everything we need set up, the room is warm, the lights are down it is time to play! SO EXCITING!

First step- conversation

Always have the conversation about the hard No's you and your partner may have. Is hard impact a "No" but maybe some softer impact play is OK? Are there parts of the body that are VERY sensitive and need to be avoided? An example, some of my clients have very sensitive feet and do not want touch there.

Are they OK being blindfolded or not? Ask your partner and gain clarity.

I do recommend using a blindfold as long as it is consensual. Being blindfolded allows us to really drop into our bodies and sensations on a different level.

Second step- put on the blindfold

After putting on the blindfold, I like to start sessions by doing some "grounding" or connecting with my client.

When connecting, I put my hand on the breast bone and on the pelvis (same positioning on the back). Take a few deep breaths together and then just shake your partner a little. This kind of wakes everything up.

When you are playing, your partner can start on their stomach or back. You want to work with both sides of the body. Each side reacts differently to different sensations.

I have a soft red rope (seen in pic above) I use for pressure up and down the body. I stretch the rope out across the body, positioning on each side and press down to the mattress. Gently going down and then coming back up. This starts to wake up the body for sensation.

Next, use a dry brush (if you have one or a clean soft hair brush) and gently brush the body. All over. Arms, legs, chest or back, stomach, genitals or butt, legs and feet. Go down the body, then back up the body. Start with long strokes then change to smaller quicker strokes. This gets the nerve endings ready for play!

Ask your partner how they are feeling? What sensations do they feel? Always checking in with your partner throughout the play is important.

However, I have clients who prefer for me not to check in with them during play. I am trained to watch for reactions in the body that are both pleasurable and uncomfortable. If I see a reaction I am unsure about, I always ask!

It is a matter of trusting the person you are playing with. Trusting they will not do anything you don't want.

next Steps for play

Throughout playtime watch your partner. What do you see? If something stands out as pleasurable. go with it. spend more time there.

Begin with something soft. A feather for example. After the dry brushing the skin is on alert. A feather can feel really nice. Feather the whole body! Up and down. Side to side. Slow and fast.

Then, onto something a little harder. The paddle is a great next step. Gently place it on the body and move it slowly up and down. If your partner wanted to know every time you changed sensation toys, let them know what it is. Ask if they are ready for a little pop. This gives a sense of build up in anticipation. Then, give a little pop! Gently at first and then a little harder each time. Working up and down the body. Speeding up and slowing down as you go.

Then move back to something soft, then back to something with impact or something scratchy. The goal is to keep your partner guessing and their body on edge. It keeps the nerve endings unsure of what is next.

Don't be shy! Yes, even the pussy, cock and balls. Trust me it feels amazing. My male clients are unsure about having their cock and balls slapped with a paddle and are soon very surprised at how good it feels! Yes, 100% of the time! I get to see just how much they enjoy it!

A new favorite!

As you get more into playtime your partners arousal will become very obvious.

You can always give your partner more of what they want. If they are ready for orgasm, give it to them.

Vibrators work well on women of course, and they work well on men too. Vibrating along the pelvic bone, on the cock and balls and on the perineum directly under the balls heightens every male client that I have explored this with.

If your partner needed a happy ending, and has orgasmed, it is time for grounding.

Sensation play can be a sexually arousing and heightened experience that can make your partner feel "buzzed". Some clients say they actually feel their bodies buzzing. Hence, drinking water and grounding!

Finishing play

I end sessions the way they began, without using the dry brush which is too stimulating. We want to calm the body down now.

Gently remove the blindfold, asking your partner to keep their eyes closed.

Using the rope, you want apply pressure up and down the body just as you did in the beginning. Again, this has a grounding affect and feels really nice after high stimulation.

Sometimes, using the Wand Vibrator in the center of the chest feels really nice! It has a soft vibration that is calming.

End your playtime with your hand of the breast bone and pelvis applying medium pressure.

Gently shake and ask your partner to take some deep breaths with you. Ask them to open their eyes to look at you and around the room.

If your partner has really dropped into their body during play it can take some time for them to feel really present. Try getting them to wiggle their toes, put their feet on the floor and drink lots of water. These are all things that help bring them back to present.

When your partner is ready, it is important to talk about the experience. What worked for them? What would they have liked more or less of? Where they surprised by things they enjoyed?

Spend time really listening to your partner. You will gain more insight into their pleasure by listening!

Next time, it will be your turn!

If you are not partnered or if you would like to learn what this experience is like reach out to me soon! Let's book a consult!

"Play is the highest kind of research." ~ Albert Einstein

Sex Coaching, Erotic Massage and Erotic Generosity

Recently, my husband and I reviewed some videos we previously watched on Erotic Massage. We just wanted a refresher. This is something the two of us really enjoy doing for each other and offering to others.

We have had a friend over on a couple of different occasions and offered her an awesome 4 handed massage. Doesn't that sound amazing?!

Erotic massage is sensual and healing for all involved. For the two of us giving the massage and for the recipient of this beautiful gift! We absolutely love it!

In revisiting these videos, we watched Ben Haggard talk about Taoist Erotic Massage. He discussed how Taoist Erotic Massage differed from how traditional massage therapists are taught.

He states, "Massage therapists are trained to teach their clients that the body is beautiful, that the body is sensuous, that the body can be honored and healed through touch, and they are encouraged to communicate this with regard to every part of the client’s body except the genitals and the anus. These, in contrast to the rest of the client’s body, must never be touched."

"I believe that this ban on touching actually conveys its own message. What is being conveyed to thousands of clients, in thousands of massage sessions all over this country, is in fact a very deep wounding to the body, as masseur after masseur refuses to touch the body’s most profoundly intimate and tender places – the genitals and the anus."

He also expresses, "At the most basic level, Taoist Erotic Massage is about pleasure. It is wonderful to be touched. It is wonderful to be turned on. It is really wonderful to feel every tissue of the body awake, vibrating with sexual energy. This kind of pleasure is not usually available to most individuals, at least in our culture. So TEM is a great way to enhance or expand our capacity for pleasure."

Psychology Today's Nicole K. McNichols, Ph.D. published an article on The Vital Importance of Human Touch. The need for human touch is one of our most basic, primal needs. Touch deprivation is correlated with negative health outcomes like anxiety, depression and immune system disorders. Lack of physical touch was part of the reason the COVID pandemic was so difficult.

EROTIC MASSAGE

Do Sex Coaches offer Erotic Massage? In the state of NC, you have to be a licensed Massage Therapist to accept payment for massage. I am not a licensed Massage Therapist. In the state of NC, Erotic massage is not considered legal. Hopefully, that will change one day.

You can have erotic pleasure alone during your self-pleasure practice. And, we need and desire to be touched by another person.

An Erotic Massage is generally the same as you would receive from a regular massage therapist. The exception would be the areas that are normally "No Touch Areas" would receive the attention they deserve.

This touch is sensual, therapeutic, and healing. It includes your breasts, cock, balls, inside and outside of pussy and anus. There are many different techniques to each of these areas. You are massaged in areas that normally do not get a lot of touch and creates a lot of different sensations in the body.

For many men, soft cock massage can be amazing. Just being able to relax into your body and just feel. There are no expectations during the massage. You can be soft, semi-erect or fully erect. Your erection may come and go. That's Ok!

For women, pussy massage can be incredible. Again, just being able to relax into your body and just feel. No expectations. To have your pussy really massaged, from the outer lips to the inner lips, the clit, the inside of your pussy being touched everywhere. Not for the purpose of orgasm just to be able to feel all of your beautiful pussy.

It is ok to move your body if you need to, breathe and make whatever sounds you want. In Erotic Massage, you, your partner or your practitioner spread the beautiful and healing sexual energy all over your body.

Erotic genital massage is very arousing and may or may not end with orgasm. Again, there are no expectations!

EROTIC GENEROSITY

In watching Ben Haggard's videos again another comment stood out to my husband and I. He talked about Erotic Generosity.

Of course, that really got our minds thinking about what "Erotic Generosity" really looks like in our lives as a couple, as individuals, our relationships with others and with clients.

Erotic Generosity as a couple.

We are both very generous lovers and enjoy one another immensely! However, we wanted to look at this from the perspective of our every day lives. Not just with sex.

Yes, sex is erotic and the rest of the day can be as well. We wanted to look at how we do with that? We found we do this very well. We express affection throughout the day, a stolen kiss, hug, rub across the butt or a soft pass on his cock as we are standing in the kitchen. Sitting oil the couch with his cock in my hand, just so I can touch him.

Erotic Generosity as an individual.

I speak for myself here. I do this very well.

I adore my body. How I touch and caress my body is exquisite. I love touching and looking at my body. I love how soft my hands are as I glide them across my body. The way my nipples respond to my touch. My wetness. My taste. My smell.

I love wearing make up and beautiful jewelry. I love dressing erotically and feeling the soft cloth or leather against my skin.

I love my whole erotic being! ME!

Erotic Generosity in relationship to others.

Yes!

Erotic generosity in our conversations, compliments, attentiveness, the soft touch or lingering hug I offer.

Erotic Generosity with my clients.

Absolutely!

From our initial consultation.

Most of the people I talk with are sexually aroused by our conversation. I give them permission to be aroused. I let them know this is completely normal to become aroused sometimes even prior to our phone call. Just the anticipation of it. Some will need to self pleasure after our call and that is ok.

Definitely in sessions.

We are discussing and practicing everything erotic! Eroticism and arousal are completely normal during sessions.

How does it get any better than that?!

Everyones idea of erotic generosity is different. It could be engaging in kink. It could be a massage. It could be in self pleasure. It could be in just talking. As long as it is consensual with the other person. It is ok!

Erotic generosity is both in the giving and receiving.

Erotic generosity is healing.

Erotic generosity is beautiful and life-affirming.

Take a moment to really think about what Erotic Generosity means to you. What can you do either alone or with your partner? Watch the videos from Ben Haggard on Erotic Massage. You will not regret it!

" Eyes reveal unsaid things. The innocence, the flirtations, and the naughtiness all emanate from the eyes." ~ Avijeet Das