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Recently, my husband and I reviewed some videos we previously watched on Erotic Massage. We just wanted a refresher. This is something the two of us really enjoy doing for each other and offering to others.

We have had a friend over on a couple of different occasions and offered her an awesome 4 handed massage. Doesn't that sound amazing?!

Erotic massage is sensual and healing for all involved. For the two of us giving the massage and for the recipient of this beautiful gift! We absolutely love it!

In revisiting these videos, we watched Ben Haggard talk about Taoist Erotic Massage. He discussed how Taoist Erotic Massage differed from how traditional massage therapists are taught.

Ben Haggard Taoist Erotic Massage

He states, "Massage therapists are trained to teach their clients that the body is beautiful, that the body is sensuous, that the body can be honored and healed through touch, and they are encouraged to communicate this with regard to every part of the client’s body except the genitals and the anus. These, in contrast to the rest of the client’s body, must never be touched."

"I believe that this ban on touching actually conveys its own message. What is being conveyed to thousands of clients, in thousands of massage sessions all over this country, is in fact a very deep wounding to the body, as masseur after masseur refuses to touch the body’s most profoundly intimate and tender places – the genitals and the anus."

He also expresses, "At the most basic level, Taoist Erotic Massage is about pleasure. It is wonderful to be touched. It is wonderful to be turned on. It is really wonderful to feel every tissue of the body awake, vibrating with sexual energy. This kind of pleasure is not usually available to most individuals, at least in our culture. So TEM is a great way to enhance or expand our capacity for pleasure."

Psychology Today's Nicole K. McNichols, Ph.D. published an article on The Vital Importance of Human Touch. The need for human touch is one of our most basic, primal needs. Touch deprivation is correlated with negative health outcomes like anxiety, depression and immune system disorders. Lack of physical touch was part of the reason the COVID pandemic was so difficult.


Do Sex Coaches offer Erotic Massage? In the state of NC, you have to be a licensed Massage Therapist to accept payment for massage. I am not a licensed Massage Therapist. In the state of NC, Erotic massage is not considered legal. Hopefully, that will change one day.

You can have erotic pleasure alone during your self-pleasure practice. And, we need and desire to be touched by another person.

self pleasure

An Erotic Massage is generally the same as you would receive from a regular massage therapist. The exception would be the areas that are normally "No Touch Areas" would receive the attention they deserve.

This touch is sensual, therapeutic, and healing. It includes your breasts, cock, balls, inside and outside of pussy and anus. There are many different techniques to each of these areas. You are massaged in areas that normally do not get a lot of touch and creates a lot of different sensations in the body.

For many men, soft cock massage can be amazing. Just being able to relax into your body and just feel. There are no expectations during the massage. You can be soft, semi-erect or fully erect. Your erection may come and go. That's Ok!

For women, pussy massage can be incredible. Again, just being able to relax into your body and just feel. No expectations. To have your pussy really massaged, from the outer lips to the inner lips, the clit, the inside of your pussy being touched everywhere. Not for the purpose of orgasm just to be able to feel all of your beautiful pussy.

It is ok to move your body if you need to, breathe and make whatever sounds you want. In Erotic Massage, you, your partner or your practitioner spread the beautiful and healing sexual energy all over your body.

Erotic genital massage is very arousing and may or may not end with orgasm. Again, there are no expectations!


In watching Ben Haggard's videos again another comment stood out to my husband and I. He talked about Erotic Generosity.

Of course, that really got our minds thinking about what "Erotic Generosity" really looks like in our lives as a couple, as individuals, our relationships with others and with clients.

Erotic Generosity as a couple.

We are both very generous lovers and enjoy one another immensely! However, we wanted to look at this from the perspective of our every day lives. Not just with sex.

Yes, sex is erotic and the rest of the day can be as well. We wanted to look at how we do with that? We found we do this very well. We express affection throughout the day, a stolen kiss, hug, rub across the butt or a soft pass on his cock as we are standing in the kitchen. Sitting oil the couch with his cock in my hand, just so I can touch him.

Love your body

Erotic Generosity as an individual.

I speak for myself here. I do this very well.

I adore my body. How I touch and caress my body is exquisite. I love touching and looking at my body. I love how soft my hands are as I glide them across my body. The way my nipples respond to my touch. My wetness. My taste. My smell.

I love wearing make up and beautiful jewelry. I love dressing erotically and feeling the soft cloth or leather against my skin.

I love my whole erotic being! ME!

Erotic Generosity in relationship to others.


Erotic generosity in our conversations, compliments, attentiveness, the soft touch or lingering hug I offer.

Erotic Generosity with my clients.


From our initial consultation.

Most of the people I talk with are sexually aroused by our conversation. I give them permission to be aroused. I let them know this is completely normal to become aroused sometimes even prior to our phone call. Just the anticipation of it. Some will need to self pleasure after our call and that is ok.

Definitely in sessions.

We are discussing and practicing everything erotic! Eroticism and arousal are completely normal during sessions.

How does it get any better than that?!

Everyones idea of erotic generosity is different. It could be engaging in kink. It could be a massage. It could be in self pleasure. It could be in just talking. As long as it is consensual with the other person. It is ok!

Erotic generosity is both in the giving and receiving.

Erotic generosity is healing.

Erotic generosity is beautiful and life-affirming.

Take a moment to really think about what Erotic Generosity means to you. What can you do either alone or with your partner? Watch the videos from Ben Haggard on Erotic Massage. You will not regret it!

" Eyes reveal unsaid things. The innocence, the flirtations, and the naughtiness all emanate from the eyes." ~ Avijeet Das

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  • Writer's pictureBetter Sex 4 U

Valentine's Day is for lovers right?! You have that perfect person and this is the perfect day to show them just how much you love and adore them!

So, how do you do that? Flowers, dinner, gifts??? All of those options are great!

Have you ever wondered what else could there be? What else can you do to make it more memorable? Hmmmmm... guess what?! I have an idea!

woman getting ready for play

How about an evening of Sensual Play? Intrigued? Not sure where to start?

Sensual play is one of my favorite kinds of play! So, let's get started!

What is Sensual Play?

Sensual is an adjective that means anything relating to or involving gratification of the senses and physical gratification, especially sexual pleasure.

Sounds fun huh! From experience! It is!

Sensual play is going to involve all of the 5 senses. Sound, smell, taste, touch, and sight.

There is preparation to do for this type of play. Some of this depends on your partners preferences and/or dietary needs. The goal is to play and enjoy each other.

This should be done as a surprise!

Sensual Play Planning

Picking up supplies. You will need a sexy nightie or robe, a blindfold, scented candles if your partner has one they enjoy, a scented or unscented massage oil (coconut and almond oil work well), foods and drinks. Here is a list!

  • Berries of any kind

  • Fruits like bananas, mangos, oranges, fresh figs, peaches, cherries, dates, etc.

  • Chocolate of any kind (there are lots of different chocolate options) have fun and try new flavors

  • Sauces- you can use for dipping fruits or putting on your lips to kiss your partner- Hot fudge, Caramel, Strawberry. Whatever you two may enjoy!

  • Cool Whip or Whipped Cream- sometimes the sound of the whipped cream coming out of the can will be an interesting sound for your partner as a tease of what may be coming next.

  • Honey

  • Different flavors or jams or jellies

  • Candied Ginger

  • Peanut butter

  • Different types of cheese

  • Breads or crackers

  • Olives

  • Pickles

  • Nuts

  • Cherry tomatoes

  • Sweet peppers

  • Red or white wine

  • Bourbon

  • Whiskey

  • Liqueurs or cordials

This is just a quick list. You can get as creative as you like!

sensual food

Prep ahead

  • You will need to prepare the foods ahead of time.

  • Put them on trays or plates.

  • Have your glasses ready for any liquids you may be providing your partner.

  • Have your music ready to start

  • Move a comfortable chair close to a table where the food will be displayed or place a table close to a comfortable chair

  • Have the candles placed and ready (make sure you have a lighter)

  • Glass of ice cubes

  • Feathers if you have some

Setting the scene and sensual bath time

First, you want to make sure the house is warm enough. Especially, if your partner is going to be naked.

Don't let your partner see all the prep you have done. Surprise is key!

Start with running a nice warm bath with oil. Light some candles, turn on some soft music- instrumental works best. I like Calm Vibes on Spotify. Words can be distracting.

Let your partner get in the bath while you go change into something sexy.

Come back into where your partner is bathing. They'll see your sexy outfit and will start getting excited for the evening.

If you are able, assist your partner in bathing. Wash and rinse their hair (give a nice scalp massage), use a nice soft sponge to gently wash your partners body. Gently, attentively caressing and enjoying the play. Use your hands to massage your partner with the warm water and oil from the bath. Make sure to massage the breasts and pussy or cock. If they get aroused that is ok.

Try not to give them an orgasm, just play and take them right to the edge. Backing off if you sense they are close. Orgasm can come later.

Tell our partner to relax with a cocktail or glass of wine for a while and you go out and start setting up the rest of the scene.

After bath time play

Take a moment to make sure the house is warm enough. Check in with your partner often to ensure they are comfortable.

Set the table up with the foods and drinks you have prepared. Candles are lit and music is playing. Comfortable chair is placed near table and positioned so you can walk around it easily.

After you have finished setting up, go back to where your partner is bathing. Ask if they would like to come out and join you for the rest of their surprise.

Who says "No" to that?!

Help your partner out of the bath and you gently towel them off. Head to toe. Ask them if they would like to slip on a robe. Help them put it on and then ask them to close their eyes. Make sure they are comfortable with using a blindfold (everything is always consensual). If they are comfortable with the blindfold, put it on them. Guide them to the chair you have set up.

Check in making sure they are warm enough. Offer them something cool to drink. Blindfold on-they have to trust you. Respect that trust and here is where the play begins!

Possibilities are endless here! From this point do what is right for you and your partner. Here are some suggestions:

  • Give them a little sip of their favorite cool drink

  • Put something cool in your mouth, swallow and then give them a full kiss

  • Encourage them to open their mouth.

  • Feed them different food options (keeping in mind the combination of sweets and salty)

  • Give them the different drink options (keeping in mind the combinations)

  • Give them a piece of fruit from your lips and then a quick kiss

  • Move around them in the chair, say their name or I love you or what you are going to do to them later

  • Feed them from behind or the side

  • Rub your hands over their body

  • Run an ice cube down the front of the body or around the neck (think erogenous zones)

  • Give them a surprise kiss

  • Take a sip of something, swallow and then give them a full mouth kiss

  • Take a feather and run over your partners body.

  • Make sure you are saying their name often, telling them what you are going to do to them later, let them know what you love about them, the parts of their body you want to explore later, how beautiful and sexy they are.

  • Use different styles of touches. Soft, firm, caressing, squeezing etc. Hopefully, you know your partners body and what they like. Always checking in with your partner to make sure they are ok.

  • Take your partners hand and let them feel how aroused you are.

  • Place kisses all over your partners body. Take a breast in your mouth, ask her to spread her legs and nibble her clit, take his cock in your mouth. Whatever turns your partner on. Do it.

You can go with this as long as you like.

couple passionately kissing

If at anytime you decide you want the blindfold to come off that is ok. Sometimes the change of not being able to see and then being able to see can be very seductive.

After sensual play time

Now, it is up to you! If you want to go back to the bedroom for a nice massage, if you want to get out the cuffs and floggers or if you both want to just full on fuck you can! Soft and slow, hard and fast to anywhere in-between! Blindfold on or off!

Enjoy and play with each others bodies. Explore one another!

Clean up can come later! The mess isn't going anywhere! It will be there when you have finished your playtime!

It's Valentines Day! Enjoy it!

You look handsome, you look sweet.

Sit down over there, take a seat.

Tonight we have some games to play.

What happens now you have no say.

It's my turn, you are the guest,

You get naked and guess the rest.

From our house to yours,

Happy Valentine's Day!

May your day be filled with pleasure!

Ours will!

Mark and Lisa Neville

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  • Writer's pictureLisa Neville

Valentine's Day is fast approaching! If you are single, you may be feeling a little out of sorts, maybe even a little depressed.

I understand! I have been there!

Being single for Valentine's Day doesn't have to be a downer. It can actually be one of the best days of the year. You get to choose your pleasure! No expectations from others..... just you!

Love yourself

Single for Valentine's Day?

Just because you're single doesn't mean you can't enjoy Valentine's Day! Treat yourself! Enjoy yourself! Love yourself!

My experience is when you are comfortable and can enjoy our own company life is much more wonderful!

Go buy yourself some flowers, your favorite wine or bourbon, your favorite chocolate, whatever you really enjoy! You will need it for playtime after dinner!

Put something on that makes you feel sexy. Yes, it is ok for you to be sexy just for you! Who doesn't enjoy feeling sexy! Fix your hair, shave, put on that make up, wear your favorite scent! While you are getting ready put on some music you enjoy. If you feel the urge to dance, do it! If you feel the urge to touch your body do it! If you feel like making love with yourself do it!

Dining alone

Enjoy Dinner

Take yourself out for a nice meal or if you like to cook do that! Take time to really enjoy your surroundings. Use your five senses.

If you are out at a nice restaurant enjoy the sounds. What do you hear? Is there music playing? Do you hear others talking? Do you hear the clatter in the kitchen? Just listen.

What do you smell? Do you smell the food when the staff walks by? Do you smell someone's cologne or perfume? Breathe in.

What do you see? Do you see others with out a partner enjoying themselves? Do you see couples enjoying a meal? What are people wearing? What colors do you see? Just look.

What do you feel? Feel the fabric of your clothing against your skin. Are you still wet from your orgasm before coming to the restaurant? Feel your napkin in your lap. How does it feel? Are you warm or is there a chill in the air? Is your glass cold from your drink? Is the glass wet with condensation? How does your drink feel in your mouth? Is it cold or warm? Just feel.

What do you taste? Did you taste yourself during your self pleasure time before coming to the restaurant? Is it still there? What does your drink taste like? Is it fruity? Is it bold? Is it sweet? What do you taste in your meal? Is it spicy? What spices do you taste? Savor your meal.

Don't skip dessert! Or, at least order it and take it home with you!

When you get home

Your night is just beginning! There is more fun to be had when you get home!

Your evening of self pleasure isn't over. Put on your favorite music, light some candles, run a nice hot bath with your favorite oil, fix yourself your favorite drink. Relax.

Keep using your 5 senses. What music is playing? How does the oil smell? How does the candle light look in the room? How does the oil feel on your body? How does your favorite drink taste?

If you want to have another orgasm, go ahead!

When getting out of the bath the fun doesn't have to stop!

Put on something sexy after getting out of the bath. A sexy nightie, sexy robe, sexy shorts whatever works for you! Maybe it is nothing at all!

Remember that dessert you bought! Maybe it is time to have that! Or, would you prefer some fruit or cheese? The great thing about being single is YOU get to choose! Enjoy the time, savor the tastes, the smells, the way the candles flicker in the room, the music, enjoy you!

Play Time! Get Naked!

Sensual food play

Stay with your 5 senses.

What do you hear? What music is playing? How does it make you feel in your body? Does it make you feel like dancing? Do you want to sing? Does it make you want to touch yourself? Do you moan as you touch yourself? Does your body make sounds when you are wet? Does your body make sounds when you are massaging your cock? Listen to your body. Give it what it needs. Listen.

That oil you used for your bath, go get it! Massage your body with it.

What do you smell? How does the oil smell? Does it smell differently on your body? Smell your drink? What flavors do you smell? Are you using scented candles in the room? How do they smell? Breathe in.

How does your body look with the oil on it? Yes, even the parts you don't like about yourself. Those are part of you. They deserve your attention. Those parts of you deserve your love and admiration. Really see them. Give those parts of you what they need. Your body is beautiful! See it.

How does your body feel? Touch every gorgeous inch of yourself. Spend extra time on the parts you enjoy, your breasts, your cock, your pussy. How does the oil feel on your body? Is it warm? Is is slick? How does it feel when you rub your breasts? How does it feel when you rub it on your cock? How does it feel when you rub it on your pussy? Are you hard? Are you wet? Feel your body. Give it what it needs. Feel.

What do you taste? Can you taste the berries you had earlier? Can you taste the dessert had? Maybe you taste the wine or bourbon? Maybe taste yourself? How do you taste? Ladies, our taste is special to us. We all taste differently. What do you taste like? Guys, your taste is special to you? Most of you use saliva when you self pleasure. You have probably tasted your special taste. Taste and savor all of you!

Valentine's Day Orgasms!

Valentine's Day is about love and adoration. When we learn to love and adore our own unique sounds, smells, expressions, sensations and tastes we become more open to being loved and adored by others.

When we love and adore ourselves we are able to give ourselves amazing orgasms. We are also able to teach others what we want during sex and how to give us amazing orgasms.

So, to end Valentine's Day for yourself..... see how may orgasms you can have and how many different ways can have them? Really feel your body. See how amazing your orgasms can be! Your future partner (if you decide to have one) will thank you!

I am the creator of my very own self and I intend to treat me like my greatest masterpiece. ~ Charlotte Eriksson

Happy Valentine's Day

My wish for you on Valentine's Day is that you find the love and pleasure in yourself that you deserve.

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

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