"Uncovering and Understanding the Five Stages of Sexuality: From Resting to Transformation"

There are five basic stages of sexuality. In this blog post, I will break those down and give you a little more information on each one. You will see yourself in at least one or maybe even all of them from different times in your life!

I have been through all of these stages! I believe we vacillate between them. We aren't always one or another. It really depends on where we are in our life at that particular moment in time.

Keep reading to learn more!

The Five Stages of Sexuality

RESTING

I was in this stage when I was in a sexless relationship. I found myself wondering what happened to my sexual desire. Now, I recognize I was searching for a greater sense of connection, intimacy and passion.

You can choose to be in a Resting Stage.

You could be taking a break from sex by choice; or are still a virgin.

Maybe you just had a breakup and feel you want to take some time in between relationships before getting involved again sexually.

You may also be in the resting stage because you’re healing (see the next stage). For example, you may have just had a baby and can’t have intercourse, and you do not want to have any other kind of intimate contact until you officially get the green light from your doctor.

Resting is not a bad thing and can sometimes lead to even better sex when done consciously and from choice. #resting

HEALING

I entered my Healing Stage when I came out of a physically and verbally abusive marriage. I needed time to heal my body, mind, sexuality and my spirit.

If you are in this stage you are seeking to overcome your sexual obstacles and heal what keeps you from having great sexual experiences. In your past, you may have been sexually abused or survived a relationship that had a negative impact on your sexuality. Or maybe you just went through a breakup and need some time to heal emotionally.

You may be working to overcome sexual shame, guilt or fear that is holding you back from truly enjoying your sensuality and physical pleasure. Or you may be dealing with a physical issue such as painful intercourse; trauma after surgery; erectile dysfunction; or premature ejaculation.

The Healing Stage can be a powerful stage that takes your sexual life to the next level.

The trick is to not allow yourself to get stuck here, especially if you have a partner who is in a different Stage and in need of sexual activity.

How long you stay in this stage will depend upon what type of healing you need. #healing

CURIOUS

I personally love this stage! I am always curious about not just my sexuality but the sexuality of others as well!

In this stage, you want to learn more about your sexuality and how you can make it better. You are most likely interested in Erotic Intelligence and raising your Erotic IQ. You want to learn how to become a better lover through techniques that will enhance your skills, as both a giver and receiver, of pleasure.

You are intrigued by things like sexual anatomy; erotic massage; oral lovemaking; intimacy and connection; and creating “sexploration” times to indulge your curiosity.

The trap of the Curious Stage is that you can get so into learning that you don’t implement or practice anything you’ve learned. Make sure you play with exploration and get “hands-on”.

So, Explore and Play! #curious

ADVENTUROUS

This is another one of my favorite stages! I finally have the confidence and freedom to explore my sexuality! It is an amazing feeling!

In the Adventurous Stage you give yourself permission to experience freedom when it comes to sexual pleasure.

You like to explore your sexuality by stepping outside of the box.

You are usually sexually self-expressed. You aren’t afraid to try new things.

You may like to get a little kinky. You are interested in learning more about topics such as bondage; role-play; anal sex; open relationships; and other “taboo” topics.

You love sex and exploring while having fun and trying new things. You may love variety as a way to keeping your sexual relationships spicy and “hot”.

If you are Adventurous it’s important to keep boundaries and safety in mind.

Some individuals in the Adventurous Stage judge partners who might be in Healing or Curious Stages and they put pressure on the situation. Practice patience and healthy boundaries. #adventurous

TRANSFORMATIVE

I really enjoy the Transformative Stage too! I have been in this stage when I was single and with my husband. Sexual energy is very powerful and when an intention is set that energy can manifest amazing things in your life!

If you are in the Transformative Stage you are interested in experiencing the “more” to sexuality.

You are learning transformational sex or sacred sexuality; Tantra; Sexual Shamanism; or Taoist practices.

No matter the label, you want to move beyond the physical and into the realm of all that is erotically possible.

You may be interested in using sexuality as a conscious tool for personal growth and development.

You may find Eastern philosophies and ideas fascinating and are drawn to learning more about these practices. #transformation

Conclusion

We all go through the different stages of Sexuality. Each stage provides us with an opportunity to learn and grow as a sexual being.

When we accept and lean into each stage not only do we transform our sex lives but ourselves as a sexual person. We can then have a better understanding of ourselves and our partners.

We may not always be in the same stage as our partner and that is okay. Honoring and respecting where we are and where our partner is will only strengthen your relationship and your sex life.

If you are interested in learning more about the 5 stages of Sexuality, reach out to me! Let's schedule a time to talk!

The best feeling in the world is being loved back by the person you love.

My love and I on a cold winter day enjoying the beauty of a waterfall.

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ask a sex coach: what is my pleasure profile and why is it important?

Most people don't know what a Pleasure Profile is much less what their's or their partners might be. Learning more about your own profile and finding value in your individuality not only allows you to receive more pleasure but to give more pleasure as well.

Want to know more? Keep reading!

What is pleasure?

Pleasure in American English as a NOUN:

1. a pleased feeling; enjoyment; delight; satisfaction

2. one's wish, will, or choice "What is your pleasure"

3. a thing that gives delight or satisfaction

4. gratification of the senses; sensual satisfaction

5. amusement; fun

Pleasure as a VERB:

1. to give sexual enjoyment or satisfaction to "Tell me what will pleasure you."

2. to take pleasure in

3. derive enjoyment from

I believe we all have an inherent desire to pleasure and to receive pleasure by our partner. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Pleasure is great right!

Learning more about your Pleasure Profile helps you gain knowledge about what works for you. Then, you can let your partner know. In gaining this knowledge about yourself, you can start to see similarities and differences in your partner's profile.

what is a pleasure profile?

Your Pleasure Profile is unique to you. Just like in everything, we are all different and all one of a kind. In discovering your Pleasure Profile you begin to learn what works for you and what doesn't.

What sensations work for you? What feels good and not so good? Are there certain sounds or words you enjoy hearing? Or, is it more about what you are feeling in your body at the time? Is it the energy you feel from your partner? Is it more about what you see or the directness of the touch? Do you like it hard and fast or easy and slow?

All of these give us great information about our profiles!

We all have 5 different Erotic types in our bodies. The combination and percentages are different and some are more prominent that others. However, keeping in mind that just like in all things, this may shift based on where we are in our lives at the time. I also find that usually our dominant type stays dominant at our core.

I learned about the different Erotic types through my Erotic Blueprint training. I ask all my clients to take the quiz and get the results to me! The results are amazing!

What are the 5 different types?

1. Sensual: The Sensual profiles are usually focused on the 5 senses. What they can feel, smell, taste, hear and see.

   • Sensuals like touch, fingers running across the body, feathers, soft materials, luscious tastes and smells, candle light, soft music. You can see a Sensual Profile in the stores touching and feeling everything soft or smelling every bath soap or hand lotion.

2. Energetic: The Energetic profiles are all about the Energy. Most Energetics

are interested in Tantra, Tantric Sex, connection on a different level with their

partners. Energetics can often tell when something is off with a partner. There

are 2 types of Energetics. Light Energetics tend to be lighter and more

beyond this world oriented. Dark Energetics tend to be more sultry and

passionate.

• Energetics do not like to be touched or hugged out of nowhere. They can often feel you before you touch them and startle easily. They might feel the energy in the room walking in. Energetics will often say things like "she feels off to me", "the energy in here is too much", "I get a nice vibe from him". It is hard for an Energetic to have one night stand with someone they haven't at least had a drink with.

3. Kinky: The Kinky profile is anything and everything taboo. There are 2

different types of kink. Sensation Kink- Impact play, bondage, pain in varying

degrees. Psychological Kink- Name calling, Degradation, Eye contact

restrictions.

• Kinks enjoy anything that is taboo or different. Out of the normal everyday routine. Kinks tend to be ones who will give their partner a quick pop on the ass walking by or in the bedroom. Hair-pulling, handcuffs, nipple clamps or perhaps sex with multiple partners. You may notice Kinks have a lot of tattoos.

4. Sexual: The Sexual profile is all about the sex! Direct stimulation and very

visual. They want to see it and touch it. Sexuals are all in and fast. Slowing

down can be difficult.

• You will notice Sexuals staring at breasts, asses, and crotches. They can be touchy feely when they find someone who is interesting to them. They can also be very sexually blunt. Some have no problem just saying "I want to fuck you".

5. Shapeshifter: The Shapeshifter profile wants it all! More and more and more!

New and different everything! New experiences, new sensations and the more

the better!

• Shapeshifters are always looking for the next sexual experience. Shapeshifters are a combination of all of the profiles at once. They are also pleasers in the bedroom and outside of it.

This is what mine looks like! I am dominantly a Kinky profile, although my profile shows equal of 3 parts. However, based on my preferences and the knowledge of myself I know that I am more of a Sensation Kink Profile. And, I play in all of the profiles!

Why is it important to know your profile?

Knowledge is power! When you really learn about your Pleasure Profile you can gain a deeper understanding of what pleasure your body is longing for. It opens up a whole new world of play!

When our Pleasure Profile isn't being fed we shut down sexually. We don't enjoy sex, we don't enjoy our partners, sometimes we just go through the motions because we are expected to and it can lead to affairs.

In some men, I see this lead to Erectile Dysfunction. When we really start to explore their profile they learn ED wasn't really the problem at all. They were sexually starving.

In some women, I see this lead to not being able to reach orgasm. Again, some are starving to be sexually fed.

Once my clients gain the knowledge of their Pleasure Profile it 's like a light bulb goes off and it all makes sense! Once they have the knowledge there is no turning back!

How can you learn about your pleasure profile?

Schedule a consult call and let's talk! We can schedule a session and get started on you having a better and more pleasurable sex life!

I'll combine your Pleasure Profile with a tailored Sensation Play session. You will experience different sensations in your body and learn more about your pleasure!

You can also take that knowledge out into the world and out to your partner or soon to be partners! Once you know more about Pleasure Profiles, you have the ability to pleasure your partner based on their needs too!

"If pleasure is what you want, do not suppress the desire. Seek it intelligently."

~Huston Smith

Ask a sex coach: What is sensation play?

Sensation Play: What is it and why should you do it? Your Ultimate Guide to Sensation Play. Everything You Need to Know to Start Playing.

Sensation play is one of my favorite sessions with clients. From beginning to the happy ending! 100% of my clients find value in these sessions. They learn about the new and pleasurable sensations they can have in their body. How does it get any better than that!

So, where to start! Let's go!

My sensation play toys make an impression on clients coming in for play.

What is sensation play and why should i do it?

Wikipedia describes Sensation play, also known as sensual play or sensory play, is a class of erotic activities meant to impart physical, generally pleasurable and arousing sensations upon a partner, usually during an intimate interaction, which induce sensuality.

[1] tickling can intensify a sexual feeling. [2] As opposed to mental forms of erotic play such as power exchange or sexual roleplaying, a sensual play is generally pleasing and light, that deliberately engages the five senses to explore pleasure, thereby leading to intense sexual arousal or orgasm. [3] Sensory play can be an umbrella term, with the harsher "pain play" and gentler "general sensory play" being subtypes, where an individual may prefer one or the other.

Sensation Play is a great way to really get to know your body and your partners. How do different sensations feel on the different areas of the body? Do you like it softer or harder? Do it like the softness of a feather or the pop of a flogger? How does your partner react? Does their breath quicken? Do they get goosebumps when you run a feather along their chest?

We are so busy in our every day lives! Take an hour or so to just play, to really enjoy the sensations you are experiencing in your body. Drop into the pleasure of it. You won't regret it! I promise!

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Where do I start?

First, you may need to go on a Scavenger Hunt! You need toys to create sensations! You can purchase toys if you want however, you can just use things in your house. The goal is to create anticipation and different sensations.

What do I need?

You can use a scarf or tie for a blindfold. You need things that are soft. Anything furry, or with feathers. Do you have any soft rope? Do you have any silk or soft materials? You also need things that are scratchy. A hair brush or comb will work, even a fork from the kitchen. If you are a baker, you may have a pastry wheel in the drawer! Now, we need something for impact, that could be a spatula, several pieces of rope tied together, the back of the hair brush or ice cubes from the freezer.

Get creative!

If you want to purchase items, some can be found on Amazon for around $25.00. I purchased a blindfold, flogger, feather, paddle and other various items from there. My suggestion is start with something less expensive. When you find what you and your partner enjoy purchase a better quality. I love Etsy!

Where can I play?

Next, where can you play? You can play on a bed or massage table. If you decide to play on the bed it is best if you can move all the way around it.

Have a small table available for all of your sensation toys. I like to line mine up based on how I use them. Soft, hard, impact, scratchy etc.....

Make sure you have plenty of room to move around and that your partner will be comfortable.

You also want to make sure the room is warm enough and the lighting is dim. You will both be naked so you want to be warm! Being cold can be distracting to both of you. Also, bright lights can be irritating when trying to relax into sensations.

Have water on hand for both of you. It is important to stay hydrated!

It is best not to have any music playing in the background. This can be distracting.

The Futon in my office folds down into a bed for Sensation Play with clients.

What do I do now?

It's Time to play!

Plan on having at least an hour for playtime.

Ok, now that we have everything we need set up, the room is warm, the lights are down it is time to play! SO EXCITING!

First step- conversation

Always have the conversation about the hard No's you and your partner may have. Is hard impact a "No" but maybe some softer impact play is OK? Are there parts of the body that are VERY sensitive and need to be avoided? An example, some of my clients have very sensitive feet and do not want touch there.

Are they OK being blindfolded or not? Ask your partner and gain clarity.

I do recommend using a blindfold as long as it is consensual. Being blindfolded allows us to really drop into our bodies and sensations on a different level.

Second step- put on the blindfold

After putting on the blindfold, I like to start sessions by doing some "grounding" or connecting with my client.

When connecting, I put my hand on the breast bone and on the pelvis (same positioning on the back). Take a few deep breaths together and then just shake your partner a little. This kind of wakes everything up.

When you are playing, your partner can start on their stomach or back. You want to work with both sides of the body. Each side reacts differently to different sensations.

I have a soft red rope (seen in pic above) I use for pressure up and down the body. I stretch the rope out across the body, positioning on each side and press down to the mattress. Gently going down and then coming back up. This starts to wake up the body for sensation.

Next, use a dry brush (if you have one or a clean soft hair brush) and gently brush the body. All over. Arms, legs, chest or back, stomach, genitals or butt, legs and feet. Go down the body, then back up the body. Start with long strokes then change to smaller quicker strokes. This gets the nerve endings ready for play!

Ask your partner how they are feeling? What sensations do they feel? Always checking in with your partner throughout the play is important.

However, I have clients who prefer for me not to check in with them during play. I am trained to watch for reactions in the body that are both pleasurable and uncomfortable. If I see a reaction I am unsure about, I always ask!

It is a matter of trusting the person you are playing with. Trusting they will not do anything you don't want.

next Steps for play

Throughout playtime watch your partner. What do you see? If something stands out as pleasurable. go with it. spend more time there.

Begin with something soft. A feather for example. After the dry brushing the skin is on alert. A feather can feel really nice. Feather the whole body! Up and down. Side to side. Slow and fast.

Then, onto something a little harder. The paddle is a great next step. Gently place it on the body and move it slowly up and down. If your partner wanted to know every time you changed sensation toys, let them know what it is. Ask if they are ready for a little pop. This gives a sense of build up in anticipation. Then, give a little pop! Gently at first and then a little harder each time. Working up and down the body. Speeding up and slowing down as you go.

Then move back to something soft, then back to something with impact or something scratchy. The goal is to keep your partner guessing and their body on edge. It keeps the nerve endings unsure of what is next.

Don't be shy! Yes, even the pussy, cock and balls. Trust me it feels amazing. My male clients are unsure about having their cock and balls slapped with a paddle and are soon very surprised at how good it feels! Yes, 100% of the time! I get to see just how much they enjoy it!

A new favorite!

As you get more into playtime your partners arousal will become very obvious.

You can always give your partner more of what they want. If they are ready for orgasm, give it to them.

Vibrators work well on women of course, and they work well on men too. Vibrating along the pelvic bone, on the cock and balls and on the perineum directly under the balls heightens every male client that I have explored this with.

If your partner needed a happy ending, and has orgasmed, it is time for grounding.

Sensation play can be a sexually arousing and heightened experience that can make your partner feel "buzzed". Some clients say they actually feel their bodies buzzing. Hence, drinking water and grounding!

Finishing play

I end sessions the way they began, without using the dry brush which is too stimulating. We want to calm the body down now.

Gently remove the blindfold, asking your partner to keep their eyes closed.

Using the rope, you want apply pressure up and down the body just as you did in the beginning. Again, this has a grounding affect and feels really nice after high stimulation.

Sometimes, using the Wand Vibrator in the center of the chest feels really nice! It has a soft vibration that is calming.

End your playtime with your hand of the breast bone and pelvis applying medium pressure.

Gently shake and ask your partner to take some deep breaths with you. Ask them to open their eyes to look at you and around the room.

If your partner has really dropped into their body during play it can take some time for them to feel really present. Try getting them to wiggle their toes, put their feet on the floor and drink lots of water. These are all things that help bring them back to present.

When your partner is ready, it is important to talk about the experience. What worked for them? What would they have liked more or less of? Where they surprised by things they enjoyed?

Spend time really listening to your partner. You will gain more insight into their pleasure by listening!

Next time, it will be your turn!

If you are not partnered or if you would like to learn what this experience is like reach out to me soon! Let's book a consult!

"Play is the highest kind of research." ~ Albert Einstein