it's been a while!

Hey All! I am back!

It has been a while since my last blog post. A lot has been happening in my life trying to get my practice off the ground.

I finally have office space and with my husband's help getting it to look the way I want. Since I am going to see clients there I need to love it. And, I do!

Usually blog posts are supposed to be an educational piece for people to read, connect with and hopefully contact me. I am veering from that today.

I want to talk about the frustrations of starting my Sex Coaching practice.

Frustrations

It has been about 8 months since I began this adventure. I designed my own website, logo, set up an email account attached to my practice, obtained a new cell phone number, business cards, found and decorated my office and have been doing my own marketing. I have also been seeing clients, working another part-time job 3 days a week, continuing to work on my practice on my days off, and have time for my husband who is more important to me than anything.

I have clients and continue to get new clients (although, not as fast as I would like). New clients are coming. Mark reminds me almost daily that it takes time and all I can do is focus on the quality of my efforts. I am so grateful for him and his encouragement. Some days are definitely easier than others.

My frustration comes from different areas.

Marketing

In trying to market my practice I am learning and tweaking my messages. In being a Sex Coach, the biggest issue I run into is SEX! Just the word SEX! I do a lot of Social Media marketing, Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Twitter, Google etc....

Because of the word "Sex" some posts are pulled, not posted, community violations issued, messages that accounts could be restricted or completely taken down. It is considered Inappropriate Content, Promoting Adult Services or Adult Toys?? Really? How do they think they got here?? Someone had SEX!

I believe my posts are done tastefully and with specific problems in mind that my clients may be struggling with. I work hard to keep them from being too racy and keep the language censored. Which I believe is just ridiculous, but I do it anyway! Sometimes that doesn't even work.

Now, if I get a post to go through, then decide to try to boost it on Facebook and Instagram there is a whole new set of thoughts that have to go into it. Messaging becomes important and how I choose to be contacted.

If I have a picture of myself in a post, LOOK OUT people come out from everywhere. I start getting people sending me messages through my business messenger. Most are looking for quick hookup, a sexting exchange or just free advice. I have to reiterate to them that I am not a Sex Worker or looking for a quick hook up. I refer them to my website to view my services offered and the cost for those services. Sometimes that stops them and sometimes it doesn't. They have anonymity reaching out to me and the only consequence there is to be blocked. OK, so be it. BLOCKED!

If you are reading this and you are one of those people that does this to others, male or female. STOP! If you have not been given CONSENT to drop into someones DM's, DON'T DO IT! By the way, consent is one of the many things I talk and practice with my clients. There may be a session for you in your future.

30-minute consults

I used to offer a FREE 30-minute consult. I did this for a lot of reasons. The main one was to get to know the person I possibly might be working with. I want to know more about what has brought them to contact me and for that person to feel comfortable with me. It is also important that I am comfortable with them. I need to get a sense of who they are before seeing them for an in-person session. I always think of safety.

I chose to stop offering a free 30-minute consult. I charge $50.00 and that can be put towards our first in person session together.

Why did I start charging??

Simply put, it started turning into phone sex for the person talking with me. They are getting turned on talking with me. There is a taboo that comes with talking about sex and talking to someone you don't know about sex. I get that it can turn some people on. Most aren't able to have conversations around sex with their partners. I am safe for them. They are anonymous to me.

Next, is telling people what I do.

what is a sex coach?

The minute I say Sex Coach most people gasp. "Sex Coach? What is that?" "Do you have sex with people?" "What does your husband think? "

I have to be careful and modify what I say. Maybe I say I'm a Relationship Coach or Intimacy Coach. People are a little more comfortable with that terminology.

I understand that although Sex Coaching isn't new, it is unfamiliar to many. I understand that people don't really know what it is or what I do. I understand how people can confuse Sex Coach and Sex Worker. They both have sex in the name right?

I have absolutely nothing against Sex Workers. I believe there is a place in our society for Sex Workers. They offer a service. A much needed service for both men and women. I believe as long as they are working for their own benefit, consenting to and getting paid for sex work good for them!

A Sex Coach is a trained professional who helps people with sexual, intimacy, and relationship issues. I help address problems such as sexless marriage, low libido, and sexual performance or skill issues. I also guide clients through education, training and communication.

So, how do we change how people think and talk about sex?

How do we change the narrative?

How do change the perception that sex is bad? Or that sex should only be between a man and a women? That sex should only be between 2 people? That sex should only be done with the man on top and for procreation of our species? That women are to be subservient to the man? That whether we cum or not doesn't matter? That whether we want to have sex or not doesn't matter? That whether we experience pleasure or not doesn't matter? That because we enjoy sex or enjoy it differently means there is something wrong with us that we are broken?

These are the questions I ask myself every day. My clients struggle with these questions and if you are really honest with yourself..... so do you.

This is what I am doing in my practice. I am educating my clients. I am giving my clients a safe space to share openly about their desires, fantasies and fears around them. I am allowing them to be themselves. In all their radiant sexual beauty.

I believe

I believe the world would be a better place if sex where normalized, less taboo and more accepted. Most of all, I believe the world would be a better place if we were all having great sex!

"Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature."

Marilyn Monroe

My husband and I enjoying a beautiful long weekend together seeing the sights at Fontana Dam. We love our time together!

Lisa Neville

Sex and Intimacy Coach

Better Sex 4 U

Ask a sex coach- How do I know if I am good at sex?

How do you know if you are good at sex?

Interestingly enough, while researching statistics about sexual confidence in men and women in the United States I found there are none!

I found several studies done in the UK and none in the United States.

Why? Because Americans are much more sexually suppressed.

European countries are much more sex positive than in America.

I am not going to get on my soapbox about this today. That will definitely be another blog post!

In an article, from Psypost "Having a higher number of past sexual partners is tied to greater self-esteem especially among men".

Men have stronger sexual confidence in the bedroom. As women, we are concerned about how our partners see us. We are naked. Belly bumps, stretch marks and cellulite are not hidden during sex making us more inhibited.

However, in an article in the Medicalxpress the number of women who have had sex with more than 15 partners over the last few decades has increased from 3 to 7 percent.

So, although women are starting to be more promiscuous than men we still do not feel sexually confident. Interesting?

I have known men and women who were amazing lovers and knew they were!

How did they know?

Simply put!

They love sex as much as I do!

9 tips on how to know you are great in bed

We all have our own ideas about what great sex is.

There are a lot of ways to be great in bed. In future posts I will discuss creativeness, communication, techniques and of course, hygiene.

For now, let's start with how you know!

1. you love sex

A simple indicator to knowing you are good in bed can be how much you love sex!

You are always keeping an eye out for new and different ways to rock your partners world and enhance your own experiences.

You may read books, articles, blogs, watch videos or like trying different sex toys.

You want to be the best and you take great pride in being skilled at sex.

A person who really loves what they are doing is often really good at it. Sex is no different!

2. You are open minded and switch things up

You like to switch things up and be creative.

You like to try different sex positions and you never skip foreplay.

These can be signs that you are great in bed!

Foreplay is one of the best parts of sex and no one wants to have sex with someone who has the same sexual routine. BORING!

3. You are confident

Confidence is sexy!

Confidence will take you a long way in and out of the bedroom.

Confidence could be things like leaving the light on while having sex or walking around the house nude. Maybe you like walking around in something super sexy!

You take control of sex! You are vocal, enthusiastic and you feel your partner wanting you.

Confidence in the bedroom can really turn your partner on. They know you aren't afraid to tell them when you want sex and show them how you like it!

4. You know what you need to have an orgasm

Someone who is great in bed doesn't rely on just their partner to have an orgasm.

A woman who has explored her own body and knows how to bring herself to orgasm can show her partner how she wants to be pleasured.

A sexually proactive woman isn't just going to lay back and leave her orgasm to chance. She is going to take control.

Most people don't want an overly passive partner in the bedroom. So, it is totally OK to take charge in getting yourself to orgasm.

5. Both of you are equally into it

Having your partner approve of your great love-making skills while your in the moment is always a good indicator that you are good in bed!

However, approval isn't always going to be given vocally. So, you have to pay attention to non-verbal signs.

You know you are good in bed when your partner is leaning into you. Your partner may angle their hips to get to you or thrusting and moving with you.

If you get your partner close to orgasm don't change what your doing!

There is nothing worse than having something that feels so incredible interrupted and then have to build that feeling back up again. Unless you are into Edging then go for it! I say more about Edging later!

6. Her pussy expands

Great sex will cause a women's pussy to expand or lengthen during penetration.

If you notice her pussy relaxing as you thrust into her, great job!

If you have been going at it for a while and you begin to feel her contract this may mean she is close to orgasm. Don't stop! Keep going!

7. You aim to please

For most people the goal of sex is pleasure. But, who's pleasure?

If you have more interest in giving pleasure you are a great lover!

A great lover is always more than willing to give as much pleasure as they can.

Amazing lovers are always looking for ways to bring more pleasure to their partner.

A great lover is never completely satisfied if they know their partner did not fully enjoy their sexual encounter.

Having a partner that is more concerned with pleasing you is a huge turn on. Imagine what sex would be like if you both had the same goal.

More and more pleasure!

8. You are attentive and vocal with your partner

Being attentive and vocal during sex is another way to know you are doing it right.

Everyone loves to hear the sounds of their lover experiencing pleasure. Especially when they are the one giving it.

A great lover pays attention to what causes their partner to moan, breathe heavy and observes how their body is reacting to what you are doing for them, to them and with them.

There is nothing hotter than your partner moaning or pressing into you because of what you are doing. Whew!

An amazing lover isn't afraid to tell their partner what they want and how they want it.

A great lover isn't locked into using the same moves all the time. Every partner is different.

Every body is different.

In time you can learn what every sigh or body movement means. It guides you towards your next move of either pleasing or teasing.

9. You are hard maybe even impossible to forget

Most of us have had at least one lover who was absolutely amazing in bed!

That person just popped in your mind didn't they? Did your skin flush a little at the thought of them?

They were a great lover!

Maybe it didn't work out for whatever reason. Maybe when you are alone or with your current partner your have memories of your sex with that person.

A great lover is impossible to forget. Our body remembers every kiss, touch, suck and orgasm we had.

final thoughts

There are many ways we can be amazing in bed. It can be how we fuck, how we give oral, how we move our body, how we use our hands or what we can do with our mouths.

If you are not great in bed, how you can accomplish being impossible to forget?

It is possible, no matter your age, your body type, your experiences or lack there of, to learn to be amazing in bed!

Click here to learn how I help you do that!

Next week, I will share things I found made my lovers amazing in bed! I include myself in the category of being amazing in bed! I am am Sex Coach after all!

Until next week!

Remember practice makes perfect!

"To feel aroused is to feel alive. Having great sex is like taking in huge lungfuls of fresh air, essential to your body, essential to your health, and essential to your life."

Fiona Thrust

My love and I at The Biltmore House. It was such a beautiful day. We always enjoy new adventures together!

Lisa Neville

Sex and Intimacy Coach

Better Sex 4 U

Ask a sex coach- is there help for my erectile dysfunction? Part 2 of 2

Is there help for my Erectile Dysfunction?

Last week I discussed the Physiological components to ED. As you saw, lifestyle changes can really be helpful. Having a better diet, exercising, not smoking and decreasing alcohol intake are all very important.

In this week's post I want to talk about the Psychological or Psychogenic Erectile Dysfunction.

What do I mean by Psychogenic Erectile Dysfunction? Simply put, it is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection during sex due to psychological factors.

How many men are affected by ed?

Let's review some facts from my blog last week.

• Erectile Dysfunction is common in men ages 41-60 years and very common in men 60+ years.

• 30 million men in the United States are affected by ED

• Worldwide prevalence of Erectile Dysfunction is expected to increase to 322 million men by 2025

• 1 in 10 men is estimated to have ED at some point in his lifetime.

Sex can affect your overall health and quality of life. Many men with ED can experience low self-esteem at some point in time.

Erectile Dysfunction can also put stress on your relationship with your partner.

Before moving on to some of the psychological causes of ED I want to say, Erectile Dysfunction can be caused by an underlying medical condition. To determine if your ED is psychogenic or not, contact your healthcare provider to rule out any medical conditions that could be causing your ED.

After ruling out any medical conditions that can be causing your ED it is time to start looking inward.

What are some Psychological factors of ed?

Here are a few factors that can cause Psychological ED.

• Stress and anxiety: When you are anxious or stressed becoming aroused can be challenging. Click the link for more information on Stress and anxiety.

• Performance anxiety: Worries about sexual performance or being unable to satisfy your partner can lead to anxiety, which impacts your ability to have and keep and erection.

• Depression: Depression can cause a lack of interest in activities, which includes sex. Experiencing depression can make it hard to connect with others, including having a sexual relationship with your partner.

• Relationship concerns: Conflict in your relationship can lead to emotional stress and create distance between you and your partner, which hinders sex.

• Feelings of guilt: Whether it's related to past performance, emotional stress, or other issues, guilt can lead to depression and anxiety and ultimately ED.

• Low self worth: Low self worth can be related to performance during previous sexual activity and can lead to you possibly feeling inadequate or shamed.

• Cultural or religious beliefs: Your attitude toward sex may be influenced by negative religious or cultural beliefs.

• Trauma: A history of sexual abuse or trauma can cause you to experience an emotional response during sex and in sexual relationships. Addressing these with a therapist like Mark W. Neville M. Div, is crucial to healing those wounds.

What can you do to treat psychological ED?

Psychological ED is treated by addressing the psychological factors.

Here are some treatment options:

• Individual or Couples Therapy: Therapy can help you identify your thoughts and feelings related to sexual activity and Erectile Dysfunction. Through therapy you can develop balanced thoughts about yourself, your relationship and your sexual performance.

• Relationship coaching: This can be a great opportunity for you and your partner to improve communication about intimacy and sex, examine your sexual relationship and gain insights and understanding of each other's sexual needs.

• Relaxation techniques: I help you implement different breathing, meditation and visualization techniques to calm and relax you.

What other options do I have to help with erectile dysfunction?

I say in almost every blog post communication is the most important tool you have for a satisfying Sex Life.

Communication is key

Communicating with your partner especially when you are coping with ED and other challenges is paramount important.

Talk openingly about your desires and fears. If you are experiencing ED, your partner may be worried that you no longer find them attractive. They may also suspect that they are doing something wrong or that you are having an affair. It is important to reassure each other that your love and attraction remains regardless of whether your dick gets hard or not.

Click here to learn more about how I can help you and your partner work through communication issues and improve your sex life.

How I help you with ed

Below are 6 ways I coach clients with Psychological ED.

1. learn to relax

Anxiety is one of the biggest contributors to ED. In some of my clients, anxiety plays a larger role than medical problems.

When you are worried that you won't be able to "perform" or enjoy yourself in bed you are less likely to enjoy yourself. Make sense? It is a self-fulfilling cycle.

I teach my clients to focus on what they are enjoying with their partner. I also coach them to do some deep breathing exercises or massage techniques. These actions bring simple pleasure and relaxation through touch.

The more relaxed you are, the more ready you will be for a full-filling, stress-free sexual experience.

2. Rediscover your partner

Do you remember what it was like when you first started dating and having sex? Every touch you shared was exciting!

I coach clients to find that again!

I coach my clients on how to relive that time together. Kiss, laugh, and experiment.

How to take their mind off the clock and enjoy time together. It is OK for them to take their time! It is OK to enjoy touching and caressing each other until they reach a state of arousal.

They find the more time they spend on foreplay, the more in tune they become with each others bodies and turn-ons.

They can enjoy each other! Sex doesn't have to only be about penetration. There is so much more to sex than just a dick in a pussy!

I help you discover those things! Reach out to learn more!

3. Avoid unhealthy habits

As I mentioned in my last blog post, certain lifestyle changes help with Erectile Dysfunction.

• Stop smoking

• Avoid heavy drinking

• Avoid illicit drugs

You can read my last blog post for more information on lifestyle changes.

4. Lose weight and exercise regularly

79% of men presenting to their healthcare provider with concerns of Erectile Dysfunction are obese.

Obesity may increase the risk ED by 30% to 90% as compared to those with normal weight.

Obesity effects testosterone levels, can cause depression and cause multitude of other health concerns.

Those with ED have a greater waist size than those without ED.

Exercising at least 1 1/2 hours a week has shown to be very helpful in managing ED. Not only does it help with weight loss it helps to produce natural "feel good" hormones in your body.

5. Get playful with your partner

If my client can't maintain a firm erection, they can still orgasm without intercourse!

There are many ways for partners to give each other a great deal of sexual pleasure.

I help you discover many creative ways!

For example, I coach my clients to try mutual masturbation, use sex toys like vibrators to stimulate each other. I also teach them my personal favorite, both oral and manual stimulation! These things can be really fun and very satisfying!

I teach my clients to be adventurous!

I use other techniques with my clients to help them learn more about how to give and receive pleasure. Call me if you want to know more.

6. keep moving forward

For most people, physical intimacy is an important part of a happy and satisfying relationship. You can still have physical intimacy even if maintaining an erection is difficult.

I suggest to all of my clients, get your hormones checked by a specialist. I refer my clients to Blue Sky MD.

Contact your healthcare provider and get a check up.

final thoughts

It is important to take of your overall physical and mental health and well being.

Practice good communication with your partner.

Adjust your sexual expectations.

Adopt healthy lifestyle habits.

Discover creative ways to satisfy each others needs.

A great Sex Life doesn't have to be limited to penetration. There is so much more to sex than just a dick and a pussy.

Try new things! Be creative and have fun!

Contact me today to see how I can help.

"He tugs my bottom lip with his straight white teeth before releasing it and making a low noise in the back of throat. I let out a sound that's just as guttural and pleading. "You taste like sin-the best kind imaginable." - Lucas

My love and I on our wedding day! Still one of the best days of my life!

Lisa Neville

Sex, Relationship and Intimacy Coach

Better Sex 4 U

828-585-7669