Great news! Practice makes perfect!
When we do things we enjoy it increases our endorphins or our feel good hormones. It can be anything from having sex, laughing, making art, exercising or anything that brings us joy. This helps build our neuropathic pathways so we can feel arousal more easily. So, why not have fun!
Great sex is more than just fucking. It is about how connected or how close we are to our partner both inside and outside the bedroom.
Ask yourself these questions. How much time do we spend together? I mean really together, not just running the kids around or talking about work. I mean spending quality time together, talking about our desires, our hopes, our dreams outside of the kids and outside of our crazy work schedules. How often do we hold hands, kiss, cuddle, shower together or say "I love you"?
Schedule a time to have check-ins on how your relationship is doing outside and inside the bedroom.
Here are 10 talking points you can discuss during your conversations.
10 Tips to Great sex!
Communicate- tell your partner what you want. Talk about it before you have sex. Schedule a time. If it helps write down the things you want. You have to make what you want clear. Your partner is not a mind reader, they may think you are really into something and you aren't. Take notes, ask questions, repeat back what you heard your partner say. Having a Sex Coach can help you gain clarity on what you want and coach you in having a conversation with your partner.
2. Give your partner a confidence boost. Let your partner know how much you enjoy
just being with them. Let them know how attractive they are, how much you love
having sex with them and how you feel when they touch you in certain way. It doesn't
have to just be about sex. It could be a compliment on a wonderful meal that was
prepared or a thank you for stopping to put gas in the car so you didn't have to.
3. Keep things spontaneous in the bedroom. Mix it up. Take turns initiating sex so
one partner isn't always the initiator. Try teasing, changing positions, get a sex pillow,
introduce new sex toys, wear something sexy or try having sex in new places outside of
the bedroom. This will keep your erotic energy flowing. If you aren't sure how to do
these things or even where to start, as your Sex Coach I can help.
4. Have lots of foreplay outside the bedroom. The brain is our largest sex organ so
mental foreplay is important. Send sexy texts and pictures to your partner. Put a note in
their car letting them know what you are going to do to them when they get home.
Wear something you know your partner finds sexy. Wear their favorite scent. Wear
some sexy lingerie under your clothes. Cultivate a rich fantasy life. Read or listen to an
erotic book or watch porn together. This helps you get aroused too!
5. Have lots of foreplay inside the bedroom. Play! Have fun! Don't rush! Get creative!
Introduce new toys, have oral sex, role-play, put on costumes, create a sexy space or
use dirty talk. This is where having the conversation with your partner is helpful. You will
already know some things that turn them on. If you are struggling with any of these,
contact me. I can help.
6. Forget about "normal" sex. In a recent survey done by Healthline, women like to
have a variety of sex.
17% have tried bondage
20% have used a blindfold
30% have had anal sex
62% masturbate 3 to 4 times a week
40% use vibrators
14% look at online porn
70% need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm
18% prefer oral sex
7. Try Mutual Masturbation. Watching your partner self-pleasure is a great way to see
what works for them. It can also be a big turn on to see and hear your partner
pleasuring themselves. Not all partners are comfortable with this. There is a lot of
vulnerability here and if there are body image issues this can be really uncomfortable.
Again, I can coach you in this.
8. Orgasm before fucking. This can be really important for women. When a woman
has an orgasm the pussy expands and gets wet while she becomes engorged
with blood making her more sensitive to touch. Therefore, sex is more pleasurable!
Use toys, fingers and oral sex to get her there!
9. Do your Kegels. This goes for men and women. These are also known as pelvic floor
exercises. This can help women strengthen these muscles to tighten around their
partner causing a different sensation for both of you. In men, this can help with
premature ejaculation. I help my clients master this exercise.
10. Consider opening up your relationship.This is definitely a conversation that needs
to be had with your partner. Many couples find that opening up the relationship can
lead to more fulfilling sex lives, especially if one or both partners are bisexual. This
doesn't have to be permanent. You can create parameters around what is acceptable,
set a time frame or be specific about the number of people, whatever makes you feel
comfortable and confident. Having sex outside of a relationship can sometimes
strengthen your connection and give you ideas for your sex together.
We are all entitled to have fabulous sex. Not everyone knows how to have great sex or even where to start.
If you are struggling with having amazing sex in your relationship don't wait to reach out and get help.
Contact me today!
Reclaim your sexuality.
You are worth it.
Your relationship is worth it.
She didn't want soft and gentle. She needed his rough possession, claiming her, branding her, taking her in a firestorm of heat and flame that would end the world around them, leaving them nothing but ashes, clean and fierce and forever welded together. - Christine Foohan
My love and I at The Wrights Brother Monument in Kill Devil Hills, OBX NC.
Sex and Intimacy Coach