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  • Writer's pictureLisa Neville

ask a sex coach- can I be addicted to masturbation?

Can someone become addicted to masturbation?


The answer to this, Yes.


Masturbation is a normal behavior and can be enjoyed by those not in a relationship or in a partnered relationship.



Engaging in masturbation regularly doesn't mean that you have a problem.


However, for some people excessive masturbating can feel out of control. This is called Compulsive or Excessive Masturbation.


Masturbation practices vary from person to person. I actually encourage my clients to have masturbation sessions daily.


I am often asked "When is masturbation a problem?"


Let's talk about it!


Masturbation might be a problem when...

  • masturbating takes up a lot of time and energy

  • your home, work or personal life is suffering

  • you are late to meetings, cancel events or leave social appointments early to go home to masturbate

  • you masturbate in public or uncomfortable places because you can't wait to get home

  • you masturbate even if you aren't aroused or horny

  • you feel anger, anxious, stressed or sad instead of feeling your emotions your "go to" response is to masturbate for comfort

  • you feel guilty, distressed or upset after masturbating

  • you think about masturbating all the time

  • you experience cravings or withdrawals if you don't masturbate


Woman on bed after masturbating with sex toy

What are some Causes of Excessive Masturbation?


possible causes of feeling the need
to excessively masturbate are:

What is the impact of compulsive masturbation?


by Engaging in too frequent or compulsive masturbation you may feel-
  • lower sexual satisfaction

  • reduced self esteem

  • masturbation interferes with other areas of your life such as personal and work relationships

  • loss of sensitivity

  • lower sexual satisfaction with your partners

  • lack of impulse control

  • shame and guilt

  • inhibits other healthy coping mechanisms


Woman feeling shame after masturbation



What is the treatment for compulsive masturbation? How can I stop?


If you find yourself compulsively masturbating and can't seem to control it there are some things you can do.


You may need to seek therapy from a professional counselor or sex therapist.


In this instance, sex coaching may not be the best fit. As a Sex Coach, I am working with you right now, in this moment, to help you achieve your sexual goals. I am not a Therapist. As a Sex Coach, I am not trained to address depression or anxiety.


However, I do have Therapists that I refer to. Mark Neville M. Div is the orginiator of Life Therapy, he specializes in Depression, Anxiety and Trauma. He and I work together as a team with you, to help move you forward in your mental and sexual health and well being.


Mark gives his clients much more than just talk therapy. He helps you develop strategies and techniques to reduce the causes that are possibly contributing to compulsively masturbating.


You may need to seek help from your physicians.


There is no medication that you can take to "stop" excessively masturbating. However, if you are dealing with depression, anxiety or obsessive compulsive behavior, medication could help to reduce the behavior.



Man feeling shame about his masturbation

how do i cope with excessive masturbation?


  • Engage in physical or creative activities you enjoy. Participating in other activities helps to shift your focus from masturbating.


  • Join a support group either in-person or online. Finding others that are dealing with the same issues can be very comforting and validating. You are not alone. If you live in the Asheville area go to Ashevillesaa.org to find a group near you or look for an online forum.


  • Consider reducing any stigmas you feel about masturbation. Talk with a Therapist. Do you perceive masturbation to be shameful or immoral and feel you must keep it a secret? If you believe that masturbation is a sin and you masturbate you may feel guilty, anxious or depressed. When in fact, your masturbation practice might be normal and healthy.


  • Be present in your relationships. Make an effort to go on dates or plan activities with your partner, friends or family members.This can help you ease the urges you feel to be alone to engage in masturbation. This also helps to strengthen your connections with loved ones and build a sense of belonging.


Identifying your triggers


Your triggers may be different than someone elses.


  • Do you notice that being bored or being alone leads you to engage in masturbation?


  • Do you try to relieve stress with masturbation?


  • Do you have access to porn or sex toys?

Find other activities that can help alleviate boredom, loneliness or stress.


Get rid of the sex toys and put a block on the computer so you can't access porn.


This is another instance where talking with a Therapist can help you identify your triggers, help to develop strategies and provide healthy coping skills.


Conclusion


Remember that masturbation itself is a healthy, normal and human behavior.


Almost everybody masturbates or has masturbated in their life.


Regular masturbation is not the sign of a problem.


Just because you masturbate frequently doesn't mean you have a problem.


However, if masturbating is affecting your relationships at home, work, school or your mental well being you may have a problem.


Masturbation has a number of health benefits. It can help you de-stress and lift your mood.


So, if you are under a lot of stress you might use masturbation to relax and feel better.


This isn't wrong, however if you become obsessed with chasing the high of an orgasm this could lead to masturbation becoming a problem for you.


Masturbation is a great and healthy way to get to know your body and what turns you on.


Masturbation can also be an unhealthy way of not feeling or avoiding your emotions.


You are not alone.


You aren't broken and don't need to be fixed.


You may just need help to get to a better place emotionally. And, to feel free from guilt and shame so your sexual self can really shine.


"Writing is like a mental masturbation to me" . -Li Na


My love and I at the Asheville Tourist game this past weekend! We enjoyed great food, beer and most of all each other!


Lisa Neville

Better Sex 4 U

828-585-7669





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