When I decided to write this blog post, I wanted to do some preliminary research into what other people were saying about women not being sexually satisfied. I have to say I was pretty disappointed with my findings.
I found several articles that mentioned it was the woman's fault. These articles where written by men and women. In the articles written by men, they primarily talked about everything they were doing right and everything women were doing wrong. So, I thought ok- that is a mans perspective. I decided to look at articles women had written. Again, a lot of women wrote about how it was the women's fault. Which was actually kind of shocking!
However, what I noticed in most of the articles written it was about how women just placate. Women don't ask for what they want. Women don't really know what they want. Women just "go along to get along" and wait for it to be over. You know what, they are right! I used be one of those women.
A lot of women are taught at a young age to be subservient to their partners. Our partners needs come before ours. We were taught to give away our power. It is time to take it back!
Women, you don't have to feel disconnected from your intimacy, your sensuality, your power and pleasure.
You don't have to feel alone with your secrets about your perceived inadequacies and flaws all tied up inside you and aching for release. There are so many amazing ways of reaching self intimacy and empowerment.
I want you to really take in my blog, to understand more about what you need to do to feel alive, to thrive, to be empowered and to be the sexual goddess you are!
There are times when women come to me, that have just accepted that their sexual pleasure doesn't really matter and that being sexually frustrated is just "normal". I have to say that statement stings every time I hear it. It hurts my heart. It truly doesn't have to be that way. Women deserve to loved, adored and pleasured. We deserve to feel sexually satisified.
What does a sexually dissatisfied women look like? Well, she looks like you and me.
What does it mean to be a sexually dissatisfied?
You are a sexually dissatisfied when you don't experience sex as enjoyable, engaging, pleasurable, fun or a turn on.
Over time, you want sex less and less.
Dissatisfaction happens when you want sex to be different and it just isn't.
You feel frustrated that you never feel full and complete.
Frustration is a key feeling. It is what makes the gap between where you are and where you want to be more painful.
If you didn't feel frustrated about your shitty sex life, you wouldn't feel dissatisfied. Right?
Sometimes you may think it is because of what your partner does or doesn't do in the bedroom. (Maybe?)
Sometimes you may think it is because you aren't sexual enough. (Never!)
Maybe you think it is because things aren't going well for you two together as a couple. (It very well could be this!)
So, what's not going to help your sex life is doing the same things over and over again and hoping it is going to be better. It's not going to get better until something changes.
If you just don't know what to do to make it better, reach out to me and let's talk.
Something in you knows that you are sexually dissatisfied. You know that sex and intimacy could be different, it could be better. Maybe it has been better. Maybe something has changed. Some women come to see me for this very reason. They are looking for a better sex life and more intimacy in their relationship.
When you are feeling dissatisfied, it is easy to act like you don't care. Everything is "fine".
Fine is probably one of the most passive aggressive words in the English language.
Rather than pretending you don't care about what happens in the bedroom, let's take a look at the truth.
Women care so much.
You care so much.
If you didn't care, you wouldn't be reading this.
Now that you know that you really do care, a question I have for you is......
Are you willing to change the story you tell yourself or your friends about how sexually dissatisfied you are, to being so sexually satisfied that you now feel like the sex goddess you are?
Awesome! Let's do it!
Before we do that, it may help to know what happens when you aren't sexually satisfied.
What happens when a woman isn't sexually satisfied?
When a women isn't sexually satisfied, she may become angry and bitter.
How this is expressed can vary in women. It could be expressed as fear, worry and sometimes rage.
Some women:
are vocal about what isn't working and why they are dissatisfied.
say nothing- the silent treatment- so hurt they want their partner to feel it too.
will distract themselves and stay busy with family and work.
Signs you are not sexually satisfied
If you are not sexually satisfied you might-
say "don't worry about me." Some women say this when they aren't satisfied and don't now what would satisfy them.
not feel like having sex - ever. If sex was satisfying you would want more if it and possibly self pleasure more.
reminisce about past lovers and compare them to your current partner.
look for sexual connections with other people either online or in person.
avoid sex and talking about sex with your partner.
increase self pleasure as a safe substitute for partnered sex.
feel so frustrated that you have moved into apathy, not only with sex but connection, affection and other forms of intimacy with your partner.
What can you do if you are sexually dissatisfied?
When you are sexually dissatisfied you can't leave it that way. It is a wake up call.
It is time to take an active approach to your sexual satisfaction.
First, we need to start in your head.
Answer this question.....
Sexual satisfaction to me is___________________.
This is the first thing you need to know.
What do you need?
What do you want?
You and your partners thoughts may look and sound very different.
And, that's OK! You are two very different people! How boring would it be if you were the same?
Take a deep breath, drop the notion of what you should say sexual satisfaction is and answer these questions.
How will I know if I am sexually satisfied?
What will I feel inside?
What will I look like on the outside?
If you need help answering these questions reach out to me today. Let's schedule your free 30-minute consultation.
Pleasure is the foundation of your sex life. You need to know what makes you feel good. Then, you can communicate what it is you want and only then get closer to the sexual satisfaction you crave.
How do you know what you would enjoy in sex?
Let's Brainstorm!
What happens within sex that helps you get closer to sexual satisfaction?
Is it:
Receiving oral
Giving oral
Doing some breath work together
Receiving a full body massage with your favorite oil
Taking time to talk, dance, connect before sex
Being taken by your partner. Surrendering can be satisfying.
Guiding your partners hand to show them what you like
Taking the lead in initiating sex
Slowly make love
Fucking hard and fast
Different sexual positions- change it up
Get out the sex toys
Using role-play or outfits, sexy lingerie, masks, blindfolds
Hearing how hot and sexy you are, how incredibly beautiful you are
Having other parts of your body touched with different types of sensations
Include scents, drinks, food, music or other sensation play
Explore! Play!
Not much satisfaction is going to happen if you are bored.
How do you talk with your partner about not being sexually satisfied?
Schedule a time to talk. Not right after sex.
Get specific about what you need to feel sexually satisfied. Be clear in your communication.
How many times have you been asked what you want or how you like it only to have shrugged your shoulders and said, "I don't know".
If you haven't explored your own body, know what you want and how you like it how can you expect your partner to know.
It is time to speak up and take back your power!
My advice is to focus on how you want things to change for you so you are both sexually satisfied.
When you are sexually empowered, there is little time to focus on anger or to be bitter.
When you are in your power, you don't feel like you are falling short anymore.
You feel liberated and empowered when you take control of your own sexual satisfaction!
There will be no more miscommunication. No more passively waiting for the magical day when everything works.
You make your own magic happen!
No more saying "Don't worry about me" in the bedroom or out of the bedroom!
Your powerful sexy self awaits!
Are you ready?
Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can't take it. And at this moment you're a part of them.~Thom York
My love and I on our wedding day. This was absolutely one of the best days of my life! Through working and getting back into my power I found the love of my life.
Lisa Neville
Sex and Intimacy Coach
Better Sex 4 U
828-585-7669