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  • Writer's pictureBetter Sex 4 U

it's been a while!

Hey All! I am back!


It has been a while since my last blog post. A lot has been happening in my life trying to get my practice off the ground.


I finally have office space and with my husband's help getting it to look the way I want. Since I am going to see clients there I need to love it. And, I do!


Usually blog posts are supposed to be an educational piece for people to read, connect with and hopefully contact me. I am veering from that today.


I want to talk about the frustrations of starting my Sex Coaching practice.


Frustrations


It has been about 8 months since I began this adventure. I designed my own website, logo, set up an email account attached to my practice, obtained a new cell phone number, business cards, found and decorated my office and have been doing my own marketing. I have also been seeing clients, working another part-time job 3 days a week, continuing to work on my practice on my days off, and have time for my husband who is more important to me than anything.


I have clients and continue to get new clients (although, not as fast as I would like). New clients are coming. Mark reminds me almost daily that it takes time and all I can do is focus on the quality of my efforts. I am so grateful for him and his encouragement. Some days are definitely easier than others.


My frustration comes from different areas.


Marketing


In trying to market my practice I am learning and tweaking my messages. In being a Sex Coach, the biggest issue I run into is SEX! Just the word SEX! I do a lot of Social Media marketing, Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Twitter, Google etc....


Because of the word "Sex" some posts are pulled, not posted, community violations issued, messages that accounts could be restricted or completely taken down. It is considered Inappropriate Content, Promoting Adult Services or Adult Toys?? Really? How do they think they got here?? Someone had SEX!


I believe my posts are done tastefully and with specific problems in mind that my clients may be struggling with. I work hard to keep them from being too racy and keep the language censored. Which I believe is just ridiculous, but I do it anyway! Sometimes that doesn't even work.


Now, if I get a post to go through, then decide to try to boost it on Facebook and Instagram there is a whole new set of thoughts that have to go into it. Messaging becomes important and how I choose to be contacted.


If I have a picture of myself in a post, LOOK OUT people come out from everywhere. I start getting people sending me messages through my business messenger. Most are looking for quick hookup, a sexting exchange or just free advice. I have to reiterate to them that I am not a Sex Worker or looking for a quick hook up. I refer them to my website to view my services offered and the cost for those services. Sometimes that stops them and sometimes it doesn't. They have anonymity reaching out to me and the only consequence there is to be blocked. OK, so be it. BLOCKED!


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If you are reading this and you are one of those people that does this to others, male or female. STOP! If you have not been given CONSENT to drop into someones DM's, DON'T DO IT! By the way, consent is one of the many things I talk and practice with my clients. There may be a session for you in your future.


30-minute consults


I used to offer a FREE 30-minute consult. I did this for a lot of reasons. The main one was to get to know the person I possibly might be working with. I want to know more about what has brought them to contact me and for that person to feel comfortable with me. It is also important that I am comfortable with them. I need to get a sense of who they are before seeing them for an in-person session. I always think of safety.


I chose to stop offering a free 30-minute consult. I charge $50.00 and that can be put towards our first in person session together.


Why did I start charging??


Simply put, it started turning into phone sex for the person talking with me. They are getting turned on talking with me. There is a taboo that comes with talking about sex and talking to someone you don't know about sex. I get that it can turn some people on. Most aren't able to have conversations around sex with their partners. I am safe for them. They are anonymous to me.

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Next, is telling people what I do.


what is a sex coach?


The minute I say Sex Coach most people gasp. "Sex Coach? What is that?" "Do you have sex with people?" "What does your husband think? "


I have to be careful and modify what I say. Maybe I say I'm a Relationship Coach or Intimacy Coach. People are a little more comfortable with that terminology.


I understand that although Sex Coaching isn't new, it is unfamiliar to many. I understand that people don't really know what it is or what I do. I understand how people can confuse Sex Coach and Sex Worker. They both have sex in the name right?


I have absolutely nothing against Sex Workers. I believe there is a place in our society for Sex Workers. They offer a service. A much needed service for both men and women. I believe as long as they are working for their own benefit, consenting to and getting paid for sex work good for them!


A Sex Coach is a trained professional who helps people with sexual, intimacy, and relationship issues. I help address problems such as sexless marriage, low libido, and sexual performance or skill issues. I also guide clients through education, training and communication.


So, how do we change how people think and talk about sex?




How do we change the narrative?


How do change the perception that sex is bad? Or that sex should only be between a man and a women? That sex should only be between 2 people? That sex should only be done with the man on top and for procreation of our species? That women are to be subservient to the man? That whether we cum or not doesn't matter? That whether we want to have sex or not doesn't matter? That whether we experience pleasure or not doesn't matter? That because we enjoy sex or enjoy it differently means there is something wrong with us that we are broken?


These are the questions I ask myself every day. My clients struggle with these questions and if you are really honest with yourself..... so do you.


This is what I am doing in my practice. I am educating my clients. I am giving my clients a safe space to share openly about their desires, fantasies and fears around them. I am allowing them to be themselves. In all their radiant sexual beauty.


I believe


I believe the world would be a better place if sex where normalized, less taboo and more accepted. Most of all, I believe the world would be a better place if we were all having great sex!


"Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature."

Marilyn Monroe





My husband and I enjoying a beautiful long weekend together seeing the sights at Fontana Dam. We love our time together!




Lisa Neville

Sex and Intimacy Coach

Better Sex 4 U


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