In thinking about what I would like my first blog to be about it made sense to me to start with "Who am I and why would you trust me to help you with your sexual pleasure?"
I am a Bisexual woman. Happily married to the the love of my life! I was in a corporate roll as a Marketing and Admission Director of a very expensive Assisted Living and Memory Care community in Asheville, NC. I did my job well and loved the people and residents that I interacted with daily. However, the corporate world became less tolerable for me in a lot of different ways. So, I decided with my husband's support to start my own practice as a Sex and Intimacy Coach. Better Sex 4 U came to fruition.
I have always had a passion for wanting to help people become their true sexual selves. Loving who were as sexual beings is something that I believe can make the world a better place! Knowing that we are not broken! We are whole and complete just the way we are! We are all just different! We are all wired differently!
As a child, in a single parent home anything around sex was difficult for my family to discuss. Sex was not something to talk about. If it was talked about it was always negatively. It was always talked about as something dirty and taboo. Sex should only be experienced between a man and a woman who are MARRIED! Never because it felt good, never by touching yourself, and never should sex happen between people of the same gender! I am sure many of you experienced the same thing around sex when you were younger.
I was really sexual as most teenagers are. I enjoyed sex. I enjoyed the way it made me feel. I enjoyed knowing that I was helping someone else feel good. For me, it was a win, win! Until, I found out I was pregnant at the age of 14.
My life quickly changed! To say the least my mom was not happy! She barely spoke to me the whole time I was pregnant.
I heard all the nasty comments in the hall from other kids at school because I was pregnant. I was called a "slut." I was called a "whore." You name it, I heard it. I struggled to graduate from high school because my Guidance Counselor told me I should go ahead and quit. "There was no way I would graduate,"she said. I had my beautiful daughter at the age of 15! I would not change that for the world!
I have had two previous marriages and lots of relationships in between. My first marriage was physically, emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive. I fought to get out of that marriage with my life and the lives of my two other children.
My next marriage was a sexless marriage. It started out great! Sex was amazing until it wasn't. We were older, we had changed, our lives had changed.
You see, I lost my son in a house fire when he was only 24. He was able to help his fiancé's children and their friends out of the home and he didn't make it. That is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. I almost didn't survive that. That changes a person more than you could ever know unless you have been through it.
About a year later my husband at the time stopped wanting to have sex with me. Not because of our loss. But, in his words because I didn't look the way I used to when we were younger. He wasn't attracted to me anymore. He said, if I thought I could find someone who wanted to "dick me" for hours to go ahead and try to find them. He said, "No one out there is going to want you." I was devestated.
I felt ugly, ashamed, sad and angry. The only thing we still had in our marriage was the sex and it was gone. I started having an affair with a much younger man not long after that. I needed to feel desired, wanted, sexy and beautiful! And, YES! Dicked for hours! I left my marriage of almost 20 years and haven't looked back!
Again, I have always been very sexual. I enjoy trying new and different things. I have enjoyed many partners and there have been times that I have felt a lot of shame around that. I have worked on myself and no longer feel that shame. I continue to work on myself. We are ever changing human beings and our work is never done!
Through the work I have done on myself I found my husband, the love of my life. The man who gets me and really sees me. With his help and support, I came to realize that I am not broken!
I can ask for what I want. I can say no to what I don't want. I am whole and complete just the way I am. I am kinky! I am sensual! I am energetic! I am curious! I am adventurous! I am beautiful! Most of all, I am me! Who else could I be?
I want everyone to feel this way! This is what living a beautiful life really feels like. A life full of pleasure! In and out of the bedroom!
So, being a Sex and Intimacy Coach is what I am meant to do. I am here in this world, at this time to help people become their true sexual selves. Without guilt, without shame and without judgement, and full of pleasure! We accomplish this in a safe and confidential space where you feel accepted, supported by someone who truly cares, and can become your true sexual self.
Lisa Neville with her husband Mark
Sex and Intimacy Coach