Last week, I filled you in on why some clients come to see me for Sex Coaching. Now, it is time to talk about what you can do to have a Better Sex Life.
A recent study completed by Eden's Fantasies in September of 2021 had some interesting results! In a study of 1000 American relationships 1/3 of them said they were not satisfied with the relationship. 34% said they were unable to say their Sex Life was very satisfying or even satisfying. My sense is that this is a relatively low number. Many people do not want to admit their sex lives aren't amazing and hot all the time.
Women are 2x more likely than men to describe their Sex Life as "boring". More men, describe their Sex Life as "erotic" than women. See the disconnect?
The biggest barriers are lack of communication, lack of foreplay, and that sex is over too quickly. Sound familiar?
Other reasons made this list; such as, not having enough orgasms, only trying one or just a few sex positions, lack of oral play and lack of cuddling. This survey also suggested the total time spent on sex from beginning to end typically only lasted about 19 minutes!
Americans typically only have sex twice a week and men typically want to have sex more than women.
Another issue that hinders sexual pleasure is personal insecurity. 65% related concerns about performance, body image and, "Am I doing it right?". Hmmmm....thoughts?
Men and women both said it would help their sex lives be more satisfying if there were more foreplay, more communication, different sexual positions, oral play, more cuddling, more orgasms and a confident partner.
These are all things that I have felt myself. These are also things I hear from my clients!
So, here are things that have worked for my clients!
Low or No Desire: For my clients, men or women my first recommendation is to get their hormones checked.
Hormones definitely effect your sex drive. Low testosterone and low estrogen
diminish sex drive.
Wanting to reconnect with your partner, chemistry has faded and you feel more like roommates: A happy Sex Life takes communication and work. Just working on your Sex Life can increase feelings of desire.
I coach my clients on how to have the conversations about what works and doesn't
work for their bodies. Also, how to really listen and pay attention to what their
partner is saying.
Wanting to have Better Sex and arouse your partner in and out of the bedroom: My clients learn to set the stage all day! Build up the anticipation!
I coach my clients on how to send sexy text messages or photos. I help them
build up their and their partners anticipation and arousal by letting the mind
wander to the night's sexy planned activities!
Never talking about sex with your partner: We are not taught how to talk about sex at all. Definitely, not with our partner. Communication cannot just start in the bedroom. It has to start outside the bedroom.
I coach my clients on how to have the difficult conversation around sex. It may be
difficult to have these conversations, and talking about sex is an investment in their
relationship. Both partners need to feel safe and heard.
Not being able to ask for what you want: Most of us don't really know what we want or how we want to be touched.
I encourage my clients to give themselves permission to self pleasure. I coach my
clients to feel their bodies. I encourage them to explore different touches,
different sensations and play! Learning what their own body enjoys helps
them to share with their partner. They learn to put their pleasure first.
Body Image: Society has really done a number on us and how we view ourselves in the mirror. We all have things about our bodies we don't like or wish we could change. I teach my clients that the key is acceptance of the things we cannot change and change the things we can! Please hear this from me. You are beautiful just the way you are! You are a beautiful and amazing person who deserves to be respected, feel loved and adored for who exactly you are! You should never allow anyone to make you feel differently.
I coach my clients in The Mirror Exercises. My clients learn where the beliefs about
their bodies came from and how to love and adore their bodies.
Inability to have an orgasm or give your partner an orgasm: For women, it is difficult to have a vaginal orgasm with penetration. It takes work and practice. For men, it is difficult to give a woman a vaginal orgasm. It also takes work and practice on their part. So, when has work and practice been so much fun!
I coach my female clients in what they need to know about their bodies and
have been to afraid to ask. How can she expect a man to give her an orgasm if she
doesn't know what works for her? My clients learn that they have to own their part
of sex. I help them find their G-spot, how to give and receive oral sex and play with
sex toys. They learn to tell their partner what they want and how they want it.
I coach my male clients on different techniques to help a woman reach their full
potential in orgasm. Many have been afraid to ask because they felt they "should
already know". My clients have needed coaching in oral sex, penetration sex or
sex toy play. I also teach my clients the more they know about their own bodies
the more sexual pleasure they can give and receive. My male clients also learn that
it is okay for them to ask for what they want and how they want it.
My clients walk away knowing what it is like to have an amazing Sex Life. We all deserve to have great sex and more pleasure! So, what are you waiting for!
There are so many things to try and to do. You can have an amazing Sex Life! If you want more information or have a specific area that you need help with, call me! Don't wait! Life is too short to not have an abundance of pleasure! You and your partner will be glad you decided to have more and Better Sex!
My love and I at Graveyard Fields in The Blue Ridge Mountains of NC. Enjoying a nice hike and always each other.
When sex involves all the senses intensely, it can be like a mystical experience. Jim Morrison
Lisa Neville
Better Sex 4 U
Sex and Intimacy Coach