Ask a Sex Coach-Does Size Really Matter?

I am often asked this question by male clients. Does size really matter? In short, NO!

Believe this or not, men are much more concerned about the size of their dicks than women. Society plays a big role in this. Media wants us to believe if you don't have a big dick you can not bring a women to orgasm. Regardless, of what you heard in gym class, in the locker room, or by watching porn this simply isn't the truth.

The average size of a flaccid dick is around 3.61 inches in length and 3.5 inches in girth. The average size of an erect dick is around 5.2 inches in length and 4.5 inches in girth. For most women, girth is more important than the length of a mans dick.

For some women, being too big is much more of a problem because it can be painful. Being too big can also be a problem during oral and anal sex. Too much girth can also tear a women's vagina.

A big dick doesn't last longer than a small dick, keep a man from running out of steam, or make you come faster. However, having a big or a small cock can affect how you have sex. It is up to you to learn to make the most with what you have. Working with a Sex Coach can help you with that.

Some men think having a big cock is all that is needed to bring a women to orgasm. It's not. Men with smaller cocks may have less confidence and try to overcompensate. It is not the size but what you do with it that matters.

I have had amazing sex with men that had smaller than average dicks. They had amazing oral sex skills or knew how to position themselves to rub along my pelvis to bring me to clitoral orgasm. I have also had really bad sex with men who had big dicks. They were all about how big they were and thought just penetration would bring me to orgasm. It is all in how you use what you have.

We aren't taught to even have sex much less great sex . We fumble around and hope that what we are doing feels good to our partner. If our partner isn't telling us the truth or doesn't know what really good sex is, you both stay stuck in bad sex. Why would you choose to have bad sex when you can have a Sex Coach teach you how to have great sex?

Did you know there are certain sex positions that can be used just for your size and girth? Positions both you and your partner can enjoy. Smaller men may need to focus on "doggy style" where you can go deeper by having your partner lower their head and chest while arching their back. Men with thinner cocks may need to have their partner keep their legs together during sex. Men who are larger may need to let their partner be on top so she can control how deep the penetration is.

Of course, oral sex and using your hands or using a sex toy increases the chance for clitoral or anal orgasms. Use your fingers to find all the pleasure spots in your partner. Enjoy the exploration! The possibilities for pleasure are endless!

Being good in bed or wherever you chose to have great sex isn't about the size of your dick it is about how you handle it. Figuring out what feels good to you and your partner and choosing different moves that make the most of your size will serve you better than worrying about it will. So have fun!

Here are some Do's and Don'ts if your dick is smaller than average:

• Don't compare yourself to others. 85% of men over estimate the average size and assume everyone else is bigger.

• Do be confident even if you have to fake it. Confidence is sexy and stressing about your size will ruin sex. Practice positive self talk. This isn't easy. Seeing a Sex Coach can help with this.

• Don't be afraid to use toys. Not because "they can do what you can't", because different sensations are fun! Adding toys makes you look confident and skilled. Your Sex Coach can help you chose the right toys and help you learn the best ways to use them.

• Do improve your hip flexibility. This allows for deeper penetration. Your Sex Coach can show you different hip stretching exercises.

Here are some Do's and Don'ts if your partner's cock is smaller than average:

• Don't lie. Lying and acting that they have a big cock can do more harm than good to your relationship and their self confidence.

• Do be patient. Penis anxiety is as real as any other body image issues. It may take time for your partner to become comfortable with you. I can help with body image issues using different exercises.

• Don't fake it. You both deserve to have great and satisfying sex. Play with other techniques and communicate openly about what does and doesn't work. Having a Sex Coach can help you both become more comfortable in asking for what you want.

• Don't ask if it is in. This is pretty obvious right? You would be surprised by how many clients have to be reminded of this. If you're not sure reach down and feel to be sure.

A big dick is not necessary for amazing sex but confidence, communication and willingness to try new things are. Seeing a Sex Coach can help you with all of these. Isn't your relationship and your sex life worth it?

The key to having great sex is making the most with what you have. Having the confidence you need to walk into the bedroom with your partner and know that you are going to have great sex. Having the skills to communicate with your partner about what works and doesn't work for you and always being willing to try new things. If you try it and realize you

don't like it, you just don't do it again.

Many people struggle with doing these things on their own without help. Helping people have a Better Sex Life is amazing work. That is why I love what I do! What can be better than helping others experience the very best sex life they can have? I can't think of anything!

Lisa Neville Sex and Intimacy

Sex and Intimacy Coach

Better Sex 4 U

www.bettersex4u.net

My love and I at the beach in St Augustine, Florida. We both love going to the beach! The smell of the ocean, the heat of the sun, cold drinks and even better company!

Sex Coaching- What Does A Session Look Like?

When clients contact me for Sex Coaching they often ask, "What do we do in a session?". My answer to that is always, "What are your goals?".

Our first session is a "get to know each other" session. In this session I want us to get to know one another. I want to know what your goals are. What are your desires? What do you need to have the best sex life imaginable? If you really aren't sure how to answer those questions then that is where we start. I also ask for your commitment to do the work. We will discuss what your role is as my client(s) and what my role is as your Sex Coach.

Some goals to consider as an individual might be:

• Feeling more connected to your sexuality

• Finding fulfilling relationships

• Become a more sensual and present lover

• Overcome sexual issues such as ED or lack of orgasm

• Reclaim your body and enjoy pleasure again

• Learning what you want and how to ask for it

Once you know what your goals are, we create a plan together to get you there. Our work together will go beyond just offering advice. There will be "assignments" for you to complete between our sessions. I may give you books to read, video's to watch and suggest some Home-play for you to engage in.

If you are a couple coming into session together, we discuss your goals as individuals and your goals as a couple. There will also be "assignments" for you both to complete between sessions. You may do these individually and as a couple. Both partners need to be comfortable with allowing the space for the individual work if it is needed.

Some goals you may want to consider as partners might be:

• Wanting to have more fun and exciting Sex Life

• Start having sex again

• Spend less time fighting and more time giving each other pleasure

• Dealing with different desires

• Learning what you want and how to ask for it

When coming into session as a couple it is important to remember your goals and desires may be different than your partners. You both may see the problems you are dealing with very differently and from different perspectives.

In couples sessions you need to talk about your desires and goals. Remember you do not speak for your partner. We set aside time in the beginning of the session for each of you to talk about your own hopes and desires for yourself and for your relationship.

Our sessions after will vary. We need to get you to connect to your body and feelings. In these sessions, depending on what you have chosen may become more experiential. We begin to move you towards being able to experiment in new ways of intimacy. You need to be ready to start feeling your body and your emotions.

If you try to move towards this from a place of intellect instead of a place of being present and connected, you aren't going to really feel it. You may go through the motions but probably will not get anything new. Intimacy requires your presence and sexual intimacy requires embodiment. It requires all of your mind, body and spirit.

It is very important for you to talk about any feelings of shame, fear or embarrassment that may keep you from moving forward. We will explore any feelings or fears that may be getting in the way of you making it to your goals.

I am here to help you become more connected with your body. I help you feel safe, comfortable and accepted just as you are. My support, empathy and the tools I provide will help reduce your shame and self-judgement to help you get ready to try new things.

I help you "Find your edge". Finding your edge means stepping outside of your comfort zone, and allowing yourself to explore and grow in your sexuality.

Once you are more in touch with your feelings and your body, we find an experiment or an experience that helps you move forward in your personal growth "finding your edge". It's my job as your Sex Coach to help you find that edge. It will be something you haven't tried before or may have trouble doing and you feel ready to give it a try.

An example of this may be setting boundaries because you are afraid of someone being disappointed or angry with you. Or, it may be around engaging sexy talk with your partner because you are embarrassed or aren't really sure what to say or how to say it.

Based on your edge, I will offer you an experiment you can practice. If you are seeing me for individual coaching, I will be your practice partner. If you are seeing me for couples coaching, I will demonstrate it and you and your partner will take turns practicing together.

So, if you are learning how to talk in a sexy way I will first offer you some sexy talk. You can see how it feels to hear it and imagine saying something sexy yourself. When you feel ready, you will give it a try with me or your partner.

When it is your turn, if you feel a strong sense of discomfort, you may need to explore that discomfort a bit more. We start with small steps. It's important for you to stay present and in your body for the experience. I don't want you to check out. I only want you to push through the resistance and stay present with me. Even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable.

I pay close attention to this and check in often to make sure you are ready and still present. I want you to fully feel and integrate with the experience.

Give it your best effort!

When you feel ready, you will take your turn to test your edge. As you experiment you may feel awkward, especially the first time. You may even laugh or your voice may sound strange. You may try saying it in a funny voice the first time and then in a serious voice. You may trip over your words. That's ok! I can help you find the right sexy words or sexy lines.

That is all completely normal and just fine. It is part of the experiential learning process. After all you don't just sit down and play a musical instrument. You have to learn the notes, try them out and at first it sounds weird. As you practice you get better and better! Then, before you know it you are making beautiful music.

It's the same with sexy talk, sensual touch, sharing in the moment feelings and desires. The more you practice, the better you are. How much fun is that!

Once you have tried it, we talk about it. How did it feel? Did you like it? Did you hate it? Did you feel awkward and excited at the same time?

Remember there are no right or wrong answers about the way you feel. You are safe and accepted just where you are. I want you to be honest with me. Don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. This is a good time to talk about what you learned about yourself. You may have realized that you love sexy talk and get really excited about it. Or, you may realize that sexy talk just isn't for you. You just don't like it. And, that is ok too! Now you know! You found your edge and that is it.

Now, it is time to take the things you have learned and the tools you have been given into your life.

In our last session, we discuss how you can integrate your new found knowledge and skills into your new, beautiful sexy life.

My job as your Sex Coach isn't to make you be a certain way. I am here to help you explore who you are, what you like and what you don't like. I am here to help you discover what you are capable of and trying new things,"finding your edges."

This helps you to expand your self-awareness and knowledge. It helps you to find out what kinds of experiences, expressions and connections you want to have in your life. Now, you are more prepared to go after them.

As we celebrate all of your hard work, we say our "see ya laters". We don't say good bye. Our paths may cross again someday! What wonderful possibilities will be waiting for you then! You may need to "find new edges" and I will be right there coaching you all the way!

My love and I at Grandfather Mountain in Banner Elk, NC on our honeymoon.

Lisa Neville

Sex and Intimacy Coach

Better Sex 4 U

"Don't worry about getting it right. Just get it started." Marie Forleo

Sex Coaching- How Can I Help?

Last week, I filled you in on why some clients come to see me for Sex Coaching. Now, it is time to talk about what you can do to have a Better Sex Life.

A recent study completed by Eden's Fantasies in September of 2021 had some interesting results! In a study of 1000 American relationships 1/3 of them said they were not satisfied with the relationship. 34% said they were unable to say their Sex Life was very satisfying or even satisfying. My sense is that this is a relatively low number. Many people do not want to admit their sex lives aren't amazing and hot all the time.

Women are 2x more likely than men to describe their Sex Life as "boring". More men, describe their Sex Life as "erotic" than women. See the disconnect?

The biggest barriers are lack of communication, lack of foreplay, and that sex is over too quickly. Sound familiar?

Other reasons made this list; such as, not having enough orgasms, only trying one or just a few sex positions, lack of oral play and lack of cuddling. This survey also suggested the total time spent on sex from beginning to end typically only lasted about 19 minutes!

Americans typically only have sex twice a week and men typically want to have sex more than women.

Another issue that hinders sexual pleasure is personal insecurity. 65% related concerns about performance, body image and, "Am I doing it right?". Hmmmm....thoughts?

Men and women both said it would help their sex lives be more satisfying if there were more foreplay, more communication, different sexual positions, oral play, more cuddling, more orgasms and a confident partner.

These are all things that I have felt myself. These are also things I hear from my clients!

So, here are things that have worked for my clients!

• Low or No Desire: For my clients, men or women my first recommendation is to get their hormones checked.

Hormones definitely effect your sex drive. Low testosterone and low estrogen

diminish sex drive.

• Wanting to reconnect with your partner, chemistry has faded and you feel more like roommates: A happy Sex Life takes communication and work. Just working on your Sex Life can increase feelings of desire.

I coach my clients on how to have the conversations about what works and doesn't

work for their bodies. Also, how to really listen and pay attention to what their

partner is saying.

• Wanting to have Better Sex and arouse your partner in and out of the bedroom: My clients learn to set the stage all day! Build up the anticipation!

I coach my clients on how to send sexy text messages or photos. I help them

build up their and their partners anticipation and arousal by letting the mind

wander to the night's sexy planned activities!

• Never talking about sex with your partner: We are not taught how to talk about sex at all. Definitely, not with our partner. Communication cannot just start in the bedroom. It has to start outside the bedroom.

I coach my clients on how to have the difficult conversation around sex. It may be

difficult to have these conversations, and talking about sex is an investment in their

relationship. Both partners need to feel safe and heard.

• Not being able to ask for what you want: Most of us don't really know what we want or how we want to be touched.

I encourage my clients to give themselves permission to self pleasure. I coach my

clients to feel their bodies. I encourage them to explore different touches,

different sensations and play! Learning what their own body enjoys helps

them to share with their partner. They learn to put their pleasure first.

• Body Image: Society has really done a number on us and how we view ourselves in the mirror. We all have things about our bodies we don't like or wish we could change. I teach my clients that the key is acceptance of the things we cannot change and change the things we can! Please hear this from me. You are beautiful just the way you are! You are a beautiful and amazing person who deserves to be respected, feel loved and adored for who exactly you are! You should never allow anyone to make you feel differently.

I coach my clients in The Mirror Exercises. My clients learn where the beliefs about

their bodies came from and how to love and adore their bodies.

• Inability to have an orgasm or give your partner an orgasm: For women, it is difficult to have a vaginal orgasm with penetration. It takes work and practice. For men, it is difficult to give a woman a vaginal orgasm. It also takes work and practice on their part. So, when has work and practice been so much fun!

I coach my female clients in what they need to know about their bodies and

have been to afraid to ask. How can she expect a man to give her an orgasm if she

doesn't know what works for her? My clients learn that they have to own their part

of sex. I help them find their G-spot, how to give and receive oral sex and play with

sex toys. They learn to tell their partner what they want and how they want it.

I coach my male clients on different techniques to help a woman reach their full

potential in orgasm. Many have been afraid to ask because they felt they "should

already know". My clients have needed coaching in oral sex, penetration sex or

sex toy play. I also teach my clients the more they know about their own bodies

the more sexual pleasure they can give and receive. My male clients also learn that

it is okay for them to ask for what they want and how they want it.

My clients walk away knowing what it is like to have an amazing Sex Life. We all deserve to have great sex and more pleasure! So, what are you waiting for!

There are so many things to try and to do. You can have an amazing Sex Life! If you want more information or have a specific area that you need help with, call me! Don't wait! Life is too short to not have an abundance of pleasure! You and your partner will be glad you decided to have more and Better Sex!

My love and I at Graveyard Fields in The Blue Ridge Mountains of NC. Enjoying a nice hike and always each other.

When sex involves all the senses intensely, it can be like a mystical experience. Jim Morrison

Lisa Neville

Better Sex 4 U

Sex and Intimacy Coach